EFT with Rachel G.

Struggles and Solutions

2010-12-27T01:42:00.000-08:00

OK, so I'm not supposed to be writing this on this blog, but I'm trying to be straight with you.

I have lots of solutions.

I have lots of struggles.

For every solution, I've got at least one struggle.

For every good mood, I've got at least one, ahem, bad one!

For every success, I've got at least one, ahem, thing that my nearest and dearest might call a partial success. Or a failure.

It's how I learn. It's how I grow.

And I'm proud of it.

For example, I de-bit my nails. For three years, I was nail-biting free, thanks to EFT. Now I suddenly realized that biting my nails is a whole lot quicker than cutting them, and I don't so much care what 'people' (if they exist) think of me, seeing my bitten nails. Perhaps I'm rationalizing and thus ignoring some stress in my life. But the point I'm making is that I'm back to biting. And that's OK with me.

Win some, lose some, is one way of seeing it. For me, I've gained in the process, it's not my next goal (gaol?) and I'm just being honest about it.

Because honesty is what I'm trying to work towards. Honesty and happiness. Peace. Kindness. Love.

Struggles and solutions. That's my current state. I currently have lots of solutions, and plenty of remaining struggles. And I'm proud of all of them.

Dealing with Pain with EFT

2009-02-08T23:32:00.000-08:00

I read an interesting thought recently, from Milton Erikson. He wrote that pain is one third the memory of what happened, one third the current pain, and one third the fear of what might happen in the future.

I've found that by addressing the person's expectations of what 'might happen' and what "happened" their pain is brought down to more manageable levels very fast. I always ask for details about the accident, and as to the future, I try to give them some sort of safe details about what they can expect.

Even if they disagree with me, their fears are brought down to more manageable levels as they probe into real possibilities instead of exagerated ones. And as the fears drop, the pain (or the painful aspect of the pain) drops with it.

Sometimes, one needs to talk about the human error factor that was involved, and what solutions would be needed to prevent the problem from happening again.

Mildred Thill on the Emofree forums says that for some people, especially guys, she prefers to do EFT directly on the actual pain feeling involved. Then as the pain lessens or moves, she would do EFT on the new pain type or position. To read more, check out http://eftcommunity.emofree.com/forums/t/4201.aspx

Other people describe how they use NLP techniques to ask for a 'character description' to the pain. They use guessing techniques, in which the person with the pain just says the first answer they think of.

For example they ask "Pain doesn't have a color - but if this pain DID have a color, what might might it be?" "how big is the pain - bigger than your hand, or smaller?" "If the pain could talk, what might it say?" "Is the pain moving or still?"

Then they do EFT with the descriptions that have been used.

Using "I choose"

2009-02-05T00:56:00.001-08:00

When we think about what is happening, we don't always notice the choices that are taking place. For example we may think "I am sitting near my computer". But we could rephrase that to include the idea of choice: "I am choosing to sit near my computer".

As I've mentioned in the last few blog posts, it can be fascinating to see just how many times we are making choices when it seems like we were just doing something.

Similarly, other people are choosing certain behaviors too. Now why do I care to tell you this? Not so that you can hurt them back when they choose unpleasant choices. But rather to let you see that they are people with free will, and that they are making choices. When people do things, they are (nearly always) choosing to do it.

This is liberating because so many people think that others are "just born mean" or "can't help hurting". As a result, they see situations as desperate and unresolvable. They feel wretched, and they too make retaliatory choices that they are not entirely happy with, eg to take revenge, to get divorced, to be depressed. Hey don't slam me yet for that last one! It's also a choice, but I need to explain something further before you might believe me!!!

You see, let's say I meet a neighbor as I'm walking in the street, and she basically ignores me. I would feel bad. LOA experts might say I am attracting that behavior. I can shrug and say "I don't care". None of these options make me feel better nor give me an easy plan of action.

So let me try it this way for a second. I label "she is ignoring me". I then rephrase "she is choosing to ignore me". Suddenly, I can give credence to my feeling that she is hurting my feelings, while before, I had a certain amount of self-doubt as to whether she just didn't really notice me, and I was making a big deal out of nothing. No, I'll assume for a minute that she IS ignoring me. In fact, I'll assume that she is CHOOSING to ignore me. It is entirely possible. In fact, I can even go two steps further and say "She is choosing to ignore me, and that makes me feel bad" and "she is choosing to ignore me and she is (possibly subconsciously) choosing to act towards me in a way that many people would consider disrespectful".

When I look at this friend now, I have a whole new understanding. I mean why on earth would someone choose to make someone feel bad in this way?

Perhaps she is very goal-orientated and hasn't the least idea of how relationships can benefit everyone, including herself. Perhaps she feels she needs to assert herself by acting disrespectfully towards others. Perhaps she is trying to snub me for something I did wrong in the past. Perhaps she has an imaginary hierarchy of people who are VIPs and she doesn't consider me anywhere near the top. Perhaps she thinks I am older than her, so I couldn't be desirous of any positive relationship with her. Perhaps her life is running according to plan and she has everything she wants, and it's too scary for her to deal with people who look, perhaps, like they haven't yet got much of what they want.

Perhaps perhaps, there are a million possibilities, and maybe many of them are true, but one thing is for sure. When I see that someone is making a choice to act disrespectfully towards me, I feel safe to explore the reasons for their choice. I see it is more to do with them and their view of the world, than it is about me. Her choice to act disrespectful may be specific to me, but as I explore, I see how she hardly knows me, and is just using me as the receiving end of her feelings and stuck thought patterns. I don't think anymore that she judged me fairly and found that I fail. And maybe, just maybe, all the above ideas were more my insecurities and belief systems than anything else.

So when I say that she is choosing to be disrespectful, she is probably unconscious of this choice. But at some level, she could really begin take responsibility for some of her flawed thinking patterns, which would help her to act nicer.

People are capable of changing. They can challenge their thought patterns and realign them with reality. As a result, they will act nicer and feel happier.

I read today that when we have an experience that we don't like, we sort of say NO! in our thinking. As in "NO, I can't bear that". In such a case, our thinking is out of line with reality and we feel suffering. Saying NO to reality is often the cause of the pain we feel.

Long ago, I thought of an example of pushing a heavy object with a lot of force. Why don't we experience this as painful? Because we chose to do it, so we accept it. Yet, if that same heavy object would fall towards us with exactly the same force, we would feel pain. I think it's because we didn't choose it or expect it. Some of us like to think that we are in charge, and will only "allow" the things that we choose. If things happen contrary to our expectations and plans, we don't "allow" them - and yet they happen, so we feel pain! It's the pain of saying "NO" to reality.

In a similar way, if a person acts disrespectfully to me, and I don't "allow" this, then I will feel pain. But as soon as I can understand that she is she, with her own life history, journey, understandings, current thought patterns - and potential for change, my pain drops to zero.

And I can even go one step further, since I'm a believing Jew. I know that she, like everyone else, is here in this world with a possibility of having a great effect here in creating Kiddush Shem Shamayim (Awareness of G-d's greatness and how He's involved in the world). In order to create more than already exists, (I think that) one has to challenge existing stuck thought patterns, and let go of our NOs. If that's her potential, it's probably somewhere in her aspirations too, and I guess we're not so different after all.

Not only that, but perhaps I can become aware that she is likely already trying to break out of stuck thought patterns and emotions, in her own way, already. In fact, she probably has what to teach me too. As friends we can do so much more than as individuals.

I remember that a friend of mine once said: "but I don't like to be treated disrespectfully" - I wonder if it's because we really want everyone else to be perfect and nice, so that we can lean on them. Ahem.

So when my neighbor ignores me in the street, I first say "she is choosing to treat me disrespectfully". I then feel my own power coming rushing back into my body. I realize that in some sense, she still has inner improvements to make, and I can feel pity for that. And, a moment later, I can gradually help myself consider that she possibly does not mean to offend the real me and might even welcome a better relationship.

So I find I can (choose to) smile or even grin at her, and say "Hey, how are you doing today?" And who knows, I may even help build a new relationship today.

Turn it around.

2009-02-04T13:52:00.001-08:00

I don't know much about Byron Katie and her Work, but I have read her 4 questions, and her idea about using a turnaround.

Using MOs also invites turnarounds. Today, I was lying down, and I needed to do loads of stuff.

So I said to myself:
"I must get up, but I don't want to" I thought that this might help me process what was going on in me, but to no avail. So then a lightbulb went off in my brain, and I thought to try to Turn it Around.

So I said:
"I want to get up, but I'm not allowed to". I tasted that statement. And do you know what? It was more accurate than the first statement. Because I did want to get up. And I also had a little inner child that perhaps needed nurturing. And when I did nurture her (she was five and had been treated very badly by her teacher, and was still miserable today), I found that I actually was able to get up.

What do you say?

hi all

2009-02-03T23:47:00.000-08:00

Note: Please read until the WARNING in the middle of this post before applying any ideas on this blog.

I don't know what to say, so others might tell me not to write anything. But nobody is saying that aloud right now, so I'm going to do what I want and just type, and see what comes out.

You see, sometimes one doesn't know what to write because one has nothing at all to share (I guess). But other times, like now, for me, it's because it's all locked up in my brain and I don't know how to find the unravelling thread to access it. And it could be that there are many unravelling threads, so the main thing is to TRY to unravel. Or to TRY to express. So that's what I'm doing here, thanks for being so patient with me.

Yesterday I wrote all these interesting things about MOs. And although I don't think I did the most amazing job explaining them, and how they are valuable I'd like to continue along the same theme today. I wonder whether my writing-reluctance comes from feeling sad that I didn't express it all well enough yesterday. So I do hope you'll all forgive me for trying to express things, but possibly leaving you unclear. I hate unclarity. But maybe sometimes it's better to be unclear and know it, than to just leave everything inside in a large, unravelled knot.

The thing about MOs is that they represent an entirely new appoach in energy work. The standard EFT that I've been using is described always in terms of feelings and emotions and pain. Hopes and dreams, wishes and distress.

With these MOs, I'm extending you an invitation to explore POWER issues! Yes, that's right! Power, as in "I can" "I must" "I choose to" and "I want to". Power, as in, why aren't I doing what I planned to? What I could do?

With the energy work I've previously been doing, these power aspects have not been given enough clarity and strength. They're sort of used as the Setup endings, and you pick whichever feels right to you.

Now, I'd like to suggest that we explore how we are treating these ideas and where we feel blocked because of them. However, before we start exploring, it's worth knowing that the MOs can't work unless you also have a subject - the person involved, and an action - the verb involved. So thinking about "can versus should" can be quite meaningless. Yet focusing on "I can set the table" versus "I should set the table" is much more effective.

I'll remind you of the four categories that Steve Andreas described: Necessity, desire, choice and ability.

As you go through your day, or while sitting near your computer say aloud all the four options, especially at times when you feel resistance to something you want to do.

And then, I guess, tap while you're saying it, or focus in deeply. I personally haven't tapped while I said it, because I just mentally focus in on it, and allow any energetic releases to happen. But if you don't know how to do this, or can't, then tap a round for each statement.

The purpose is to discover our hidden beliefs about our abilities and what we feel we ought to do, etc. Sometimes, just discovering our hidden beliefs is enough to disarm them. Other times, further work is needed.

I particularly favor Slow EFT, invented by Silvia Hartmann, I believe, in which you tap on each point until you feel some sort of release happening at that point. Now different people are different, and some people Feel releases, others imagine Seeing them, and others just Know that they have had them, while still others Sense that they've had them.

Some people are very sensitive to releases and can tell when energy is moving, while other people are not sensitive at all to energy fields, and might never understand what releases are. Still other people may have loads of issues that are blocking them from being sensitive to energy release, but as these are resolved, they become very aware of them.

Some people don't experience energy releases, because they're not able to release much energy. There could be many reasons for this. It could be that they may be unconsciously holding their current thought patterns very tightly. It can be very hard for such people to use energy methods to change their thought patterns. This can be because of birth trauma, childhood trauma, allergies, addictions, medication side effects, or other reasons. Not being able to use energy methods is a fact of life for some people, for myriads of possible reasons, and should be respected. It is sometimes changeable. There is also personal choice. Some people, for personal or religious reasons, do not use energy methods. Obviously, this is a matter of personal choice.

For people who don't know when energy is being released, try tapping on each point about 40 times, while breathing gently. At the end of each round, do a slow head roll, wriggle your fingers and toes, take a deep breath and stretch out your arms. Say "peace". Also, don't do many rounds without taking a break.

To help increase the awareness of the sensation of energy release, try to be quite relaxed as you tap. Allow energy to be released in whichever form it needs to be released in. So for some it may be through a change in breathing patterns, some people feel a need to stretch, yawn or sigh. Some releases cause people to burp, others to roll one's head or breathe out noisily, or wiggle their toes. I know of a few cases when people felt inclined to scream, and once when someone vomited (that was me, but it was someone else's problem!). And lots of people laugh or giggle, or suddenly get very distracted and bored.

Sometimes releases are immediate, other times they happen a little while later. It's good to gradually recognize what releases feel like because it can help you make energy work much faster and more targeted, or understand when there is resistance in the system and be more able to explore that resistance. It's a personalized results system that doesn't lie!

You don't have to let the energy release if you choose not to. Yet, if one 'goes with the flow' and allows these body sensations to come to fruition, one often feels a tremendous sense of relief in the body, and also in the issue one was working on.

To know how you feel about something, I advise you to say the statement aloud, or in your brain, as if you really mean it. Then notice what thoughts arise. eg: "What nonsense", or "That's true", or "that's what my parents always said, but can I challenge it?" This is what I mean by 'tasting' the sentence. Immerse yourself in it, for a moment, to see what it means to you.

I personally do not tap while 'tasting' these statements, I just think about them whilst checking in my body if there is any release waiting to take place, and then I let it go. It is usually in the form of stretching, long outer breaths. And the issue feels resolved and I feel empowered as a result - or at least I gain a new perspective on what I was thinking about. Some people may not believe this.

If you can explore the MOs and make thought-pattern changes without using any form of energy work, or with other energy methods, I'd be very interested to learn how to do it. Please leave a comment!

As I mentioned in a previous post, it is also very interesting to mix together two or more MOs in a sentence, and see how you react to that. It's also good to notice interactions between different people. Try out these sentences by tasting how they feel:

"I would like to be able to choose how to behave when someone says something that I do not like to hear",
"he has to (choose to) do exactly what I say (need)"
"I cannot choose how he chooses to talk to me"
"I cannot yet choose how I speak to myself - I'm stuck to copying how others speak to me - but I would like to be able to choose to speak to myself gently".

The different colors indicate MOs, while Green shows the little words like More or Yet which can help us find a way to change our patterns.

I have a few important points to make here:

1) it is important to be well hydrated - but not over hydrated when doing any type of brain or energy work.

2) Regularly taking Omega 3 supplements is also very useful for any type of thinking, dealing with thought patterns, or calming work. If you're Jewish, check if your brand is Kosher.

3) WARNING: Energy releases can sometimes help you uncover an unrelated very deep issue, that you've been in denial about. The issue may be very important, and accessing it can make you DEPRESSED, UNMOTIVATED, SCARED, SHIVERY, etc. You may not be aware of what is is that is causing you to feel this way.

As I said in the disclaimer below, I can't take responsibility for your use of my ideas. I don't know your issues, I don't know what you may have repressed, and I'm not often available to help you sort it out. I believe that if you keep tapping you will find resolution, but this may take MANY MONTHS OF TAPPING - if you're doing it on your own! There are lots of ways to tap and release which are faster, more meaningful, more guided, more gentle, and more direct - yet you don't necessarily have the experience to know these. So doing it alone might set you up for a rough time.

In the meantime, if you get depressed, you'll need support and help, physically and emotionally! So if you do what I've suggested in this posting, and explore all these issues, please remember that everyone needs lots of guidance. We bang into corners often as we try to sort out our own issues. I do think that there are always solutions, but they are not always so easy to find, especially for the person who is suffering. Many of us have a tendency to be VERY HARD on ourselves, and thus we tend to deal with our issues in a very ROUGH and painful way, unless a loving practitioner helps us do otherwise.

The reason I have posted the above about MOs and energy releases is because I think that it is very liberating to discover our inconsistencies. For example, it's nice to know that we were believing that "I must - therefore I don't want to". I think it is empowering.

But although for me, at my stage of development, this is empowering, yet for you, it may be dispowering, so please remember to only do these things if you will also take responsibility for the consequences. Because they might be really bad. I'm not saying this only to protect myself legally, but because I care about you.

Energy work is powerful WHETHER YOU BELIEVE IT OR NOT, and WHETHER YOU FEEL ENERGETIC RELEASES OR NOT. Opening yourself up to self-introspection is best done with the support of a paid practitioner or at least a guided support group.

Some NLP

2009-02-03T05:59:00.000-08:00

Before I start, let me make something very clear. I have NEVER studied NLP. I have just read a couple of articles and a couple of points here and there. I would love to know more.

The following is based on an article by Steve Andreas. You can read it here: http://www.nlpanchorpoint.com/aAndreasMO.htm

He talks about some strange objects knows as MOs. OK, I'll be honest, they're not objects at all, they're a kind of words. Like verbs, and nouns. MOs are a type of adverbs - words that are used together with verbs. Steve groups them into the following categories:

These two categories are to do with our motivations:
Necessity: eg should, must, have to, ought to (and shouldn't, mustn't)
Desire: eg wish, want, would love, (and hate, disgusted)

These two categories are to do with our options:
Possibility: eg can, could, able to, capable of (and can't, unable to, couldn't)
Choice: eg prefer, choose, select, (and spurn, unselect, don't choose)

As will be pretty obvious to you, none of these words are very useful on their own. They all need another verb to be used together with them, eg "I choose to go out", "I must do the laundry".

What I find really captivating about these little words are how they show up our thought patterns! They can teach us so much about how our thinking is stuck! And they can teach us so many other things about the patterns we are living through!

I don't know quite how to explain this, perhaps you'd better read the article yourself. But I'll try. Steve Andreas writes about how these MO words are often used two together. So you might say: "I should be able to" or "I will choose that if I want to". There are 512 ways in which they MOs can be combined, and each person will find some of these combinations hard to say - and live with!

You probably have guessed by now, I straight away tried out some of the options. As I went through my day, I talked aloud (to myself) saying which MOs I was using: "I wish I could" "I must, but I won't!"

I found out so much about my motivations, and my imagined and real limitations. I was also able to address some of them: "do I actually agree with this? Is it true what I'm believing? Is it changeable? Can I live with this, for a while at least?" These were patterns I hadn't even noticed before!

I also did something else he recommended: I observed my interactions with others, while mentioning to myself the MOs:
eg "She keeps wanting the opposite of what I choose!"

I tell you, it was fascinating!

Why, what, and how

2009-02-02T11:04:00.000-08:00

I read a little more of Gary Williams' Question Tapping (EFT QT). And he makes some very interesting points. He writes that positive affirmations at the end of the EFT setup are good if you believe them, but if you don't, what help are they? I'd add to that that they are a good frame of reference to help a person remember that they and their problem are not one and the same: "even though I have this problem, I deeply and completely love and accept myself". If you don't love or accept yourself, you can always end with "I wonder if there's some way I could come to loving and accepting myself?"

He goes on to describe how very often with EFT, a person might deal with a problem, say an addiction, and it is cured, but then he sort of finds himself instead having a new type of addiction. So there has been a lot of aspects that have not been addressed. That's why he recommends his innovative Question Tapping, which perhaps does not get as fast results, but does lead to greater understanding of the situation.

There are usually many aspects to a problem: in our beliefs, in our thoughts, in society, in our family, in secondary benefits, and in our habits. Problems are really much more three dimensional than can be expressed in a single phrase like "I bite my nails". That's why it really does make sense to explore as many of these as possible, and not to come to a premature solution.

He discusses three types of questions, and says that they should be used in a certain order. The first type of question is Why. After describing the problem in the setup, ask Why?

For example, ask "even though I overeat, why do I overeat?" "why do I need whatever overeating does for me?" "why do I love this type of food?".

At the Why? stage, there are no answers, just questions, which are a challenge to the brain. Brains often like a challenge, and they are set into motion by these why questions. There is no wrong answer, since no answer is even expected. It's just a query. Some people like to word it like this "even though I overeat, I wonder why I do that?"

Being OK with questions, and conflict, and exploration, is a very useful step that would benefit all of us. If we feel that we always have to live only with answers, well, they aren't always available, and those that have already been discovered by brave others don't always fit our particular needs.

The fact that we overeat - and yet don't want to, shows that we have two conflicting parts within us. Is the solution to try to get rid of one of the conflicting parts? What if both are actually important? With question tapping, and other methods, both get a voice, and the solution is big enough to fit both of their needs. Remember that parts are parts of YOU, and each has only your good in mind. Drowning out one voice is not healthy or comfortable, nor does it provide a long term solution.

The second question is what? "What" helps us to explore what we could do differently, what we are feeling like, what is keeping the problem in place, what our thought patterns and beliefs are, and what might change if we were to change. We can ask all sorts of What questions, both in the Setup, and if we like, we can change them for each tapping point.

With all these questions in the air, it's not very likely that we will expect any "one-minute wonder" solutions. That's because we want all these aired questions to be answered satisfactorily. We also understand that there might be more questions we should be asking to get the best possible solution. We also understand that solutions that affect society, ourselves relative to society, our families, our futures, can (and really should) be gradual. Respecting this, we aim for gradual improvements.

Williams writes that there's one word that can particularly help us: more. For example we can word questions like "What would help me understand more about what's going on?" "What can I do to encourage myself to eat more healthily?" There are lots of words along the same theme: "what could change to help me eat a little bit less" "what would create a 10% improvement?"

The third type of question is How? It basically means, how can I put this in practice? How can I make this work? How can I fit these ideas into my life? How can I think differently about this? It's a very practical step.

I really like EFT methods that allow a person to create new sentences each time. I also like EFT formulae that give you a sort of structure for your personal questions. This particular formula: Asking questions using Why, What, and How, and using ideas like More, seems like a great combination, especially for complex situations like relationships, overeating, chronic fatigue syndrome, and other things which are multi-dimensional.

Thanks to Gary Williams and to all the wonderful readers who inspire me to think about and write these posts!

YEEESSSS

2009-02-02T02:51:00.000-08:00

OK everyone, now hold onto your hats. The way I did EFT was using Gary Williams' Question EFT. Using this method, you describe the bad thing in the first half of the sentence, and then you turn it into a question in the second half of the sentence. If you want to learn more about it, then check out this webpage:
http://emotionalfreedomtechniques.bravehost.com/EFTQT.pdf

So here's what I said:
"Even though I feel really weak, I wonder what I can do about it?" "... I wonder if I could know why I'm weak?" "... I wonder what might be my thought patterns leading me to be weak?" "...I wonder if there's something I can do about it?"

Then I tapped on "ET I don't know what it is about my friend, or about talking to her that made me feel so bad, I wonder what it was" and then I tapped on all the points, bringing up new questions each time: "I wonder if it's because I feel like she is stopping me from changing" "Perhaps she feels like I'm a threat in some ways" "Maybe it's because I'm not allowed to fully express myself to her, she shows me her disapproval".

Please note that I did not vow to cut off contact, I just allowed myself to explore my feelings. Somewhere in the middle of that, I got up, put away the clean dishes I'd washed up (with her help, on the phone, last night!) and even dealt with another load of laundry. All the while I tapped with my right hand and worked with my left. I must grow a third hand!

I didn't come up with any concrete resolution. But I did get the housework done! So maybe that conflict got resolved?

I need to do some more tapping because I'm feeling stressed again, about something else. I hope one day I'll get to the end of all this stress response. Any ideas would be grateful! In the meantime, thanks for hearing me! Bye!

weakness

2009-02-02T02:18:00.000-08:00

Well, this post is my views today about weakness.

Weakness is a terrible thing. I mean, it can help us to act in very negative ways, ways that we don't wish to. It can even make us depressed. Pure plain physical weakness does a lot of damage.

I wonder why weakness was invented? Perhaps it indicates that one has some sort of conflict, a really important conflict and it must be addressed before anything else. So maybe that's why it encourages us to act so bad.

Is weakness caused by eating the wrong foods? Well, it's not very clear. I have two thoughts: Either it is not caused by illness or the wrong foods, or it is! You see, weakness could be a symptom of a disease, or a symptom of a disease being cured (according to what I understand from meta-medicine).

Yesterday, I was really, really weak, and it could have been related to that I had been taking GSE, which fights bacteria and fungi. So if the disease was that these bacteria and fungi had built up in me, then the weakness from taking the GSE might have been to do with releasing the disease. A repair stage. Some say that candida releases toxins as they die.

On the other hand, I also had a lot of inner conflict yesterday as I did a lot of energy work about very significant things. Perhaps the weakness was the aftershock of the energy release.

Yet, in my opinion, neither of these is the truth, I think, because the weakness wasn't a peaceful weakness but a sort of highly distressed weakness. Since it felt so awful, I tend to think that the weakness was telling me: "You're close, but you haven't got there yet. There's still something important you have to address!" And indeed, late at night, I realized something really important, tapped for it, and this morning I woke up feeling much better.

If you want to know what it was to do with a 'vow' or belief I'd held for many years, see Chip Englemann's articles on releasing vows.

Was the weakness a prerequisite to discovering this vow? Did all the tapping for weakness and moodiness guide me in uncovering it? Or was it just fluke that I finally thought of it?

Today, as I said, I've been feeling much better, although not exactly energetic. But I can move around. Suddenly a friend phoned me, and as I spoke to her I felt my energy just dissipate until I was sitting - then lying - on the couch. I just couldn't move.

We got to speaking about EFT, which she doesn't know much about and I explained to her how tapping the KC point
helps a person to make peace between their two parts. For example, if one part wants to be kind to a child, but another part wants to be horrid (for some reason, eg because they don't want the child to take advantage of them) then tapping the KC point can help find a resolution between the two parts, eg "I will be kind, but then I am going to my room for ten minutes of quiet time"; or "I will be horrid, but I will be reassuring to the child at the same time".

As I described the effect that tapping the KC can have, even without words, in resolving inner conflicts, I tapped on my own KC. Suddenly, I found myself off the couch and ready to deal with the wet laundry.

What had happened? Why did I get all tired when speaking to her, and what got resolved? I would really like to know.

However, I will do a little experiment. I'm right now writing and don't seem to have energy for much more than this. So I'm going to try to stop writing and instead try tapping on my KC and see if that makes a difference. Thanks for reading!

giving up judging

2009-02-01T12:15:00.000-08:00

I just wrote a post and lost it in cyberspace.

I wrote about how it's easier said than done. To give up judging, that is. One think that was particularly hard for me to give up is that I want to be what society's image of a "good person" is. It's very reassuring to be apace with society's image. However, what if your emotional or physical make-up doesn't match society's current trend? Really we should give up trying to be society's "good person" and be the best person we can be. But what if society's opinion is rather important to us? What if we need approval?

So I just wanted to mention that it may not be so easy.

Tidiness

2009-02-01T01:10:00.000-08:00

This is a blog about tidiness. It is inspired by Andrea Amador, and her approach to dieting.

This blog is written for people who have a hard time keeping their place tidy, or clean, yet they really want to.

The old way seems to be to judge yourself, (relative to other people, or to what you want your space to look like) and basically fail. Then you eat, or despair, or go to bed, or try to force yourself to try harder.

The problem is that the natural you still gets a failing grade.

Here's the new way. You let go of the judging step.

It's that judging that locks you into a certain mode of behavior.
It's that judging that makes you hate yourself, and not have confidence in your ability.
It's that judging that makes life seem trudging and drudging.

We've all been to school, and we've all had our tests marked. But most of us have left school. Can we let go of judging?

Look at it this way. What might be a good reason to judge?

To know where we're up to.
To measure progress.
To punish ourselves if we fail.
To claim that we understand fully all the reasons for failure.
To force ourselves to try harder.

And what are the downsides of judging?

Much of the mark is based on our mood at the time, not our performance
We sometimes don't notice the improvements. If we do notice good things, we are much less excited about them as we are upset about what is wrong.
We also use improvements to prove to ourselves that it was all a matter of willpower, eg to say "SEE what you can do if you try".
When we see improvements, we measure then against a higher standard that we can envisage, not against where we were.
We don't notice how we have acted or thought or believed differently, when we see improvement, we just express happiness that the result looks better.
We give ourselves a physical reward to show our approval, like food, as if to say that we are just performing doggies looking for approval.
We ignore the spiritual pleasure of moving from a place of mess to a place of tidy.
We ignore the spiritual conquests we dealt with as we improved, and we don't try to develop them further.
We ignore the feelings that are involved in the creation of tidiness and we swamp the feelings that are involved in the finished creation.

Julie Englemann writes that we should phrase affirmations as follows:

I feel (positive feeling) ________ now that I have done (practical goal) ________ and (spiritual goal)_________.

You probably agree with me by now that judging does not get you out of a rut. It ignores so many basics.

Many of us make the following associations:

problems mean that we need motivation, and
if we need motivation, we must use judging and prizes.

It's too simplistic. Problems don't always indicate the lack of motivation. Motivation isn't long term solved with judging and prizes. In fact, I'd reformulate the above:

If we use judging and prizes we imply that we had no motivation, and that
motivation comes from getting pleasure.

So when we judge or use prizes we reinforce for ourselves the belief that we are lacking pleasure. We also reinforce the beliefs that we are in control of how much pleasure we have in our lives, and that we can earn it if we conform.

The whole cycle goes wonky when we leave school, which actually does have a lot of ways to reward and punish us. After school is over, we see that we are not really in control of how much pleasure we have in our lives. We can't earn or have as much stuff as we would like to. Even if we do try to conform, we often don't get paid in full. So the only part of the reinforced beliefs mentioned above that is left, is that we are lacking pleasure.

So the next time you see something "wrong" with you, or with your house, and you find yourself measuring it to another standard (eg comparing it to what others have, or what it once was like, or what it should be like), stop for a moment, and say, why am I judging?

Judging and comparing are so automatic nowadays that we do not stop and think. We don't notice quite how hurtful and stupid it is.

We judge because we think that judging will make it better.

We forget that judging has no power to improve the situation.

We forget that judging just reminds us that we need pleasures, and that we don't have them.

I'd like to stop here, but I'd also like to go on a little further.

I'd like to think about what happens when we stop judging. We look at that smear on the window, or those hundreds of smears, and we are about to say "Stupid me, this is what I'm capable of". We pause, cause Rachel said not to judge! And then what do we do?

How about a mini conversation?

Window: I'm dirty. You didn't clean me.

Me: I am bad. I deserve 3% in cleanliness

Window: Yes that's true! NOW CLEAN ME NOW!

Me: Sorry, I'm not in school any more. You don't scare me.

Window: CLEAN ME NOW! YOU MUST! YOU'LL BE PUNISHED IF YOU DON'T!

Me: Ok punish me. What have you got up your sleeve?

Window: Please clean me now, I'll reward you if you do. You'll feel SO GOOD!

Me: Sorry. I don't buy that. I can feel good already if I want. Stop trying to bribe me. Anyway, what is your bribe, and what's stopping me from getting it without earning it your way?

Window: YOU MUST, YOU Must, you must, you...

Me: Ok, now back to my personal plans. What do I feel like doing today?

Window: please, you must, you must

Me: you're not in charge of me anymore, I'm in charge here. And I'll make my plans without your screaming or wheedling, threats or promises.

Window: You must, you must

Me: how do you know I must?

Window: I'm the boss here. Dirt is the boss. You only mater according to how you perform

Me: So that's your new line is it? It doesn't sound too convincing to me. First you decide what I should be doing, and then you judge me for how well I'm doing it? But I think I'll leave it for another blog post. In the meantime, I'll just remember, that you don't have any way to hurt me nor any way to benefit me. And that if there are pleasures available to me, I don't need to earn them, I can get them already.

Conclusion: There may be real pleasure involved when one CHOOSES to clean - try it and see! Yet this pressure that most of us feel about cleaning is very off-putting. Not only is this pressure off-putting, but it also DENIES that there is any real and direct pleaure that comes from cleaning. It also DENIES that we are the kind of person who might CHOOSE to clean if it is part of our spiritual goals. Instead, the pressure implies to us that we are not the type of person who chooses spiritual goals, and it lies to us that it can force or bribe us, and it implies to us that the only pleasures we are looking for are junk food, increased self-esteem, and things to show off about.

For those of us who have more spiritual aspirations than that, or if we're just plain rebellious, we often don't obey. Yet why do we even believe that these things can be earned? It's like we are saying - they can be earned, but it's below me to take advantage of this offer. It's also like saying: I make it into a god in my beliefs, but I don't obey it. It's a prison mentality.

Physical pleasures can't be earned. They whole equation is wrong. It's only our mind that's associating the pleasures and punishments with practical perfomance.

At the risk of ostracizing you, I'd like to point out that after we have got rid of the false gods, we are free to notice that there is a true G-d, who does care about us, who is giving these pleasures and punishments free of charge in exactly the right proportions to help us grow. Spiritually. And merit eternal pleasures in our eternal life.

Sugar

2008-11-28T00:41:00.000-08:00

So what was behind all that craving for sugar? I don't know all of it yet, but here's something I came up with.

I feel like I need to drown out some feelings. So my reaction - to eat sugar - comes really fast, before I can feel the feelings - instead of feeling the feelings. And what are those feelings that I don't like?

If someone is not respecting me. Even if something is not respecting me, I feel terrible. So why do I need others' respect so much ? My guess is that I don't want to rely on my own self-respect! And why not? Because sometimes, I don't really respect myself too much. And that feels horrible! What is there not to respect? Well, sometimes I don't do the things I ought to do... and that makes me feel very guilty. So my question is, isn't there a better option than feeling guilty - ignoring this by relying on other people's opinions of me - then drowning these other people's opinions out when they don't approve of me by eating sugar? And my conclusion is YES

Stage 1 is to take back my own opinion of my self-worth and not rely on others.

Stage 2 is to learn how to do deal with the fact that sometimes my opinion of myself is low. There are two options here:

a) Let's say that sometimes I am being overly strict with myself, and asking of myself things that don't actually need to be done. Or else, they don't need to be done by me, or they don't need to be done in a certain way, or they don't need to be done right now. It's OK to explore whether my conscious mind is setting me the right goals, the ones I believe in. If I find it's so, I can modify the goal. This would help me to be able to do it. Anyway, if the source of the bad attitude towards myself is a goal I don't agree with, I don't need to maintain the bad attitude! I can change the goal.

b) Sometimes I think I run away too fast! Even if the goal seems right yet I'm not doing it, I am so scared of this scenario that I immediately change the subject in my brain! Quick - get the sugar! It's OK to live with conflict for a bit - it could be the conflict that creates creativeness. Conflict ain't dangerous, but it sure feels that way. Also, it's hard to keep two opposites in your head at once, and accept that they might both be true, when they really don't feel like it, until the new idea comes up that is able to unite them. (From Rabbi M Miller). But denying that one of them is a truth is not a solution. Entertaining the option that they MIGHT both be correct can be more successful.

c) I may have a block that is preventing me from doing what I want to. The block might be any of a number of things, and it may need to be be worked through - or worked around - first.

d) I may need to find the awareness that a solution outside of me exists, and the courage to ask for advice or new tools to find that solution. Or I may need to look inwards, or upwards.

Releasing method

2008-11-21T00:47:00.000-08:00

I visualize a container inside of me. Well, first I say, which sort of container is it that represents eg the anger I feel right now. I then take that container out of me, figuratively speaking, say it looks like a suitcase, and I put it down on the rocks. Once stuff reaches the rocks it is neutralized, but the stuff inside the suitcase has not reached the rocks yet. In order to neutralize the suitcase contents, I open the openings of the suitcase one by one, which allows the contents to be released. All sorts of things pour out, whatever does I am OK with. You have to look all around the suitcase for openings of different types. There are usually loads of different openings, screw lids and other types of openings. You can't force them open, it simply doesn't work, nothing is released. But if you uncork corks, or unscrew lids, all sorts of things can pour out, like pus, or liquids, or little rocks, or blue flashes. Sometimes they come out slowly and sometimes hissing. You don't control what comes out, and how. All you do is put the suitcase on the rocks and open the openings one by one. You have to watch to see if the pouring starts happening or else you don't know that you've properly opened it. When you are done, and there are no openings left, the suitcase collapses.

Best wishes

Rachel

Who is causing the problem?

2008-09-10T14:39:00.000-07:00

If one has an ongoing issue, one has to first disconnect from the cause of the problem emotionally. As you can probably guess from the first sentence, sometimes we can't distinguish where we begin and other people's input ends, it all feels like one big problem. So if someone is annoying you, the first thing to do is to recognize the difference between you and the other person.

The other person might be making choices you don't like. You don't have to accept these choices. You do have to accept that they might indeed be making choices. It's sort of like denial to say "I have this problem with accepting the way she is treating me. I want to come to terms with the way I am feeling, so I can let it go". It is not helpful since it does not include a clause about caring that the other person is hurting , nor any self protection. The only thing one is focusing on is that one doesn't like the feeling of being hurt.

We aren't responsible for another person's behavior, but the other person is. So perhaps some useful setup statements might be:

Even though it's hard for me to emotionally separate from her, and I'm sort of taking responsibility for what she is doing to me, I'd like to let it go.

Even though it feels safer to control her, she needs to learn to take responsibility for the results of her actions.

Even though I'd prefer to run the whole world, it's better all round if we each run our own inner world. We can and should interact with each other.

Even if the definitions are blurred between she and me, I'd like to separate our two identities. We each need our own. We each need to not pretend we can take responsibility for each other.

Even if I'm frightened to believe she may really be doing bad things, it doesn't help for me to close my eyes to it and pretend she isn't, or cover for her. She has some correcting to do.

Acknowledging:

feelings of intertwining,
and of why one might be doing this,
and then redefining the boundaries,

are important steps.

Energy Work

2008-08-06T15:15:00.000-07:00

When you learn to do surrogate energy work, the real fun begins. You can just look at people, and care, and be able to help them to a certain degree. I'm not saying you can get to some definable end point, but you can make improvements - primarily in your own heart, and also for the other person.

Today at the park, a little boy was stung, or got a splinter or a bite or something. He was holding his hand and screaming hysterically. His mother was trying to get him to open up his hand, or tell her what had happened, and he was shrieking and freaking out. So I tried to send him some safety sort of vibes, or confidence ones, whatever, just to help him but to no avail. He was still hysterical. I then thought that although the mother seemed to be sort of OK, it could be that she might be passing on her terrible fears and worries to him, so I gave her a mental massage. Immediately, the boys cries changed tone, and seemed to be more in anger than panic, more controlled somewhat, more able to deal with what had happened. I sort of got distracted at that point, and when I looked up again all seemed to be calm.

I do not know if I helped him or her, but I'm glad I did what I did. Perhaps I did help her. So often we are observers and are unable to help people nearby in a crisis, although we badly want to, and we feel frustrated. Being able to send helpful vibes is such a blessing. Perhaps I'll never know for sure if I'm helping people or it it's all in my imagination. At least I didn't feel helpless. At most, I helped the kid and his Mom in this situation, with possible ripple effects in many interactions in the future.

What a blessing.

Things I've learnt about energy work

2008-07-29T11:43:00.000-07:00

EFT can be very helpful when used on past issues, clearing our attitude towards them until we feel FREE in the present from the trauma of the past.

EFT can also be very helpful when used about our future. What do you think might happen tomorrow? How do you feel about it? Well, if there is dread or bad feeling there, we can use EFT to help clarify what will happen, what might happen, where we can make changes, where we can't, and of course, to feel more positive about it. Ditto for events further into the future.

And finally, EFT can be tremendously helpful when dealing with the present. It can be applied towards our thoughts about ourselves as well as to our thoughts about others, including both family members and people we met or thought of today. It can also be applied to feelings, emotions and beliefs, as well as thoughts.

What is the difference between thoughts, feelings, emotions, and beliefs? Well, the following is not written in stone, but is just some idea of it. An example of a thought is "Do I really love and accept myself?" An example of a feeling is "I feel awful today". The person is quite sure of how they feel, but with EFT they realize that they could possibly feel better. An example of an emotion is "I hate him!!" It's rather like a feeling, but it's much deeper felt. For example, we don't believe it's possible to change our attitude towards someone else, even if we know rationally that perhaps the person is not acting so bad intentionally. An example of a belief is "It really can't be any other way." I guess this is more about a situation not being changeable.

Each of these thought patterns can be challenged with EFT to hopefully reflect reality better, and create a happier and more productive present and future for ourselves. Even the past will feel brighter when we manage to escape from unhealthy attitudes, since our changes occured because we cared about moving away from distress, and towards health. The past is reframed as part of a positive journey.

EFT and doing regular things

2008-07-22T02:57:00.000-07:00

One way of using EFT is to do it often, about your thoughts and feelings through the day. Gradually you learn what EFT can do for you easily and what is more complicated. You might as well take advantage of the easy stuff! Additionally, you learn to integrate EFT into the rest of your life. Because life doesn't only include making changes in your psyche, in your health and in your brain, which are what EFT does. Sometimes, we need to take other sorts of active steps in our lives too. I mean, we always need to do other stuff in our life. We have relationships, things to do, things to take care of, goals, ambitions and responsibilities. EFT can help us do these things better, but it will not usually do these things for us!

EFT can help people develop a positive outlook, can remove meaningless blocks, and most importantly, can help a person choose what to do, and then help them to actually do what they chose. So many of us just sort of flow through life, falling on ideas as they arrive and doing whatever society expects us to do, with a little help from our basic desires. Becoming a human, an individual is so important for long term satisfaction.

But it won't happen with EFT alone - nor is it likely to happen in a life that does not include energy work. It's like walking through a fog. You need to do two things - clear the fog, and then walk in the direction you want to go to. EFT helps clear the fog, but you won't have energy to keep clearing fogs unless you also think about what you want to do with clarity, and then do it!

Having said all that, EFT will likely take large chunks of time in the beginning as we suddenly realize that it is possible to get to know ourselves better, to improve relationships, and to search for better ways, better goals, and honestly, to become better people. It's not so much what we create, but what we discover, and then we can direct our efforts better according to what is really real.

If you thought you're generous, and find out that it was partly generosity, and partly a compulsion to please, and partly not caring for oneself, and partly not caring about the future, and partly trying to buy friendship, you will have a better idea of where you're really up to. Then, if it is your goal to be as generous as you had thought you were, you can devise tactics to become that way, or to define exactly how generous you think it is valuable to be, while how much is taking away from something else important to you.

Knowledge and true understanding are a very valuable tools in self-growth. Use EFT on your actual thoughts and feelings, just say them and tap, and watch which thoughts survive because they are really you, and which dissipate, because they were never you.

So, all my love

Rachel

EFT in a Nutshell

2008-07-21T16:22:00.000-07:00

EFT is an unusual way of helping people. Hundreds of thousands of people have been helped by it, and in many cases it works where nothing else will. EFT can be used by newcomers with even a 70% success rate, in the hands of a practiced individual the success rate can go up to 95%.

In the words of its creator, Gary Craig: “Try it on Anything”. Yet, he also cautions “Don’t go where you don’t belong”. People who have severe problems, whether these be emotional or physical, would best be served by going to a very experienced EFT practitioner, since unfolding emotions need to be dealt with correctly and sensitively to prevent a trauma from being re-experienced. EFT can be very effective with medical problems but should never be used instead of competent medical practice.

Nevertheless, a huge number of problems can be handled successfully with EFT, even by a novice.

In comparison with other energy healing methods, EFT is very clear and able to be discussed. There have been so many books and articles and case studies written about EFT that helps practitioners learn from one another’s experience. EFT combines tapping on energy meridians, to encourage stuck energy to clear or move, while focusing on, and talking about, a problem.

EFT involves tapping on acupuncture points which will be described in detail in a separate post. (Or go to www.emofree.com and look up the free manual for the tapping points). The following is the Basic EFT Routine for what to say as you tap.

As the person taps at least five times on the KC point, he or she says a phrase. The most useful phrase for most people is “Even though I have (this problem), I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself”. Substitute the name of the specific problem for the words “this problem”. Then tap about seven times, with the fingertips of one hand, on all of the other points, in order. At each point other than the first, say once “this problem” – substituting the name of the specific problem.

EFT works best for specific events, problems, pains and emotions. The more specific and individual the problem, the faster it gets helped. Before one uses a round of EFT one decides upon a problem to target. For example, the problem might be “the pain behind my left eye”, or “this peanut allergy” or “this sadness about her tone of voice as she shouted at me this morning”. One should try to define the problem carefully.

To some readers, it may appear that with all this detail one cannot get very far very fast. Yet this is not necessarily true, as experience will show. There are many different types of problems, and according to the type of problem, that's what the solution will need to include. A problem may be like an onion, with many layers, and as each problem peels off, another one begins to show. A problem may instead be like garlic, with multiple parallel segments. Other problems are like potatoes – just one big lump. Onions and garlic, and even potatoes have an exact numbers of layers or sections, this number does not secretly increase. Similarly EFT may have to be applied to each section of a problem separately, but it does end.

One should try to take a reading of how intense the problem feels before the EFT round begins, for example, on a scale of 1-10. If the problem begins as an 8, and after a round of EFT it drops to a 4, that’s quite amazing! After another round of EFT, identical to the first round, the intensity might drop further, until it reaches zero.

If instead, the intensity does not drop at all after a round, more careful definition of the problem is often needed. EFT works directly to help physical pains and problems alleviate, but sometimes the physical pain is a result, or manifestation of an underlying emotional problem. In these cases, it is helpful to identify which emotion might have been involved.

It is useful to consider what emotion the person was feeling when the problem began. A question commonly asked by Gary Craig to help identify which emotion might be involved is “If there were an emotion, like grief, sadness, anger, (continue list) that might have contributed to this problem, what do you think that emotion might be?” The first suggestion that comes to the person’s head is used as the problem in the next EFT round, even if it seems ludicrous, because usually it turns out to be extremely accurate. For example the new EFT round would be accompanied by the phrase “Even though I have this grief, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself”.

After a round, check the intensity rating to see if there has been any resolution of the problem. Also check if the problem has changed in character. When a problem changes in character, it is a sign that a first aspect of the problem has been resolved, while a new aspect has surfaced, like a heretofore hidden layer of an onion, described above. For example anger about something might turn to sadness, which then becomes grief, and then guilt. If problems have multiple aspects, they must all be dealt with before the problem will disappear.

With lots of practice and training (available in Gary Craig’s video format, or from an accomplished practitioner, and, I hope, with information from this blog), different phraseology to the standard phrase described above can be also used successfully according to the client and the problem being dealt with, to speed up the process.

Some people have difficulty saying the standard phrase ending “…I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself”. They can substitute whatever endings they prefer, here are some suggestions: “…I prefer to love and accept myself” or “…I trust Hashem is guiding me towards a solution” or “…I’d love to love and accept myself” or “…I wonder if it can be resolved”.

Some people are scared to describe their problem in words, being afraid that describing it might cause it to get worse. I think that this is superstition and not really sensible.

All my love

Rachel

Please remember, I recommend EFT but I do not take any responsibility for your using it. Your use of EFT or of my advice is entirely at your own risk, even if you do not yet know what these risks might be! If you feel worse instead of better, please stop and consult a health care practitioner who can help you. Energy work is powerful and people usually need at least a knowledgeable and caring friend with whom you can discuss your efforts. An EFT practitioner can be particularly helpful, but he or she must be the right match for you.

(c) Rachel Geller, July 2008. All rights reserved.

EFT

2008-07-21T16:12:00.000-07:00

EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques, and was created by Gary Craig

I thought perhaps readers would like to read about EFT, and other energy therapies, so that you might discover just what they can do for you...

EFT is a way of tapping on meridian points and saying (or at least focusing on) a specific problem. The point being that the problem is supposed to gradually dissipate as you do this. Quite amazingly, it often does. Not always though, there is some technique involved for those stubborn problems!

So in my next post, I'd like to tell you about the Basic Routine, which works for many problems. In later posts, I'll try to write about lots of different solutions that help solve problems when the Basic Routine is not enough.

All my love

Rachel