Why, what, and how

I read a little more of Gary Williams' Question Tapping (EFT QT). And he makes some very interesting points. He writes that positive affirmations at the end of the EFT setup are good if you believe them, but if you don't, what help are they? I'd add to that that they are a good frame of reference to help a person remember that they and their problem are not one and the same: "even though I have this problem, I deeply and completely love and accept myself". If you don't love or accept yourself, you can always end with "I wonder if there's some way I could come to loving and accepting myself?"

He goes on to describe how very often with EFT, a person might deal with a problem, say an addiction, and it is cured, but then he sort of finds himself instead having a new type of addiction. So there has been a lot of aspects that have not been addressed. That's why he recommends his innovative Question Tapping, which perhaps does not get as fast results, but does lead to greater understanding of the situation.

There are usually many aspects to a problem: in our beliefs, in our thoughts, in society, in our family, in secondary benefits, and in our habits. Problems are really much more three dimensional than can be expressed in a single phrase like "I bite my nails". That's why it really does make sense to explore as many of these as possible, and not to come to a premature solution.

He discusses three types of questions, and says that they should be used in a certain order. The first type of question is Why. After describing the problem in the setup, ask Why?

For example, ask "even though I overeat, why do I overeat?" "why do I need whatever overeating does for me?" "why do I love this type of food?".

At the Why? stage, there are no answers, just questions, which are a challenge to the brain. Brains often like a challenge, and they are set into motion by these why questions. There is no wrong answer, since no answer is even expected. It's just a query. Some people like to word it like this "even though I overeat, I wonder why I do that?"

Being OK with questions, and conflict, and exploration, is a very useful step that would benefit all of us. If we feel that we always have to live only with answers, well, they aren't always available, and those that have already been discovered by brave others don't always fit our particular needs.

The fact that we overeat - and yet don't want to, shows that we have two conflicting parts within us. Is the solution to try to get rid of one of the conflicting parts? What if both are actually important? With question tapping, and other methods, both get a voice, and the solution is big enough to fit both of their needs. Remember that parts are parts of YOU, and each has only your good in mind. Drowning out one voice is not healthy or comfortable, nor does it provide a long term solution.

The second question is what? "What" helps us to explore what we could do differently, what we are feeling like, what is keeping the problem in place, what our thought patterns and beliefs are, and what might change if we were to change. We can ask all sorts of What questions, both in the Setup, and if we like, we can change them for each tapping point.

With all these questions in the air, it's not very likely that we will expect any "one-minute wonder" solutions. That's because we want all these aired questions to be answered satisfactorily. We also understand that there might be more questions we should be asking to get the best possible solution. We also understand that solutions that affect society, ourselves relative to society, our families, our futures, can (and really should) be gradual. Respecting this, we aim for gradual improvements.

Williams writes that there's one word that can particularly help us: more. For example we can word questions like "What would help me understand more about what's going on?" "What can I do to encourage myself to eat more healthily?" There are lots of words along the same theme: "what could change to help me eat a little bit less" "what would create a 10% improvement?"

The third type of question is How? It basically means, how can I put this in practice? How can I make this work? How can I fit these ideas into my life? How can I think differently about this? It's a very practical step.

I really like EFT methods that allow a person to create new sentences each time. I also like EFT formulae that give you a sort of structure for your personal questions. This particular formula: Asking questions using Why, What, and How, and using ideas like More, seems like a great combination, especially for complex situations like relationships, overeating, chronic fatigue syndrome, and other things which are multi-dimensional.

Thanks to Gary Williams and to all the wonderful readers who inspire me to think about and write these posts!