Sugar

So what was behind all that craving for sugar? I don't know all of it yet, but here's something I came up with.

I feel like I need to drown out some feelings. So my reaction - to eat sugar - comes really fast, before I can feel the feelings - instead of feeling the feelings. And what are those feelings that I don't like?

If someone is not respecting me. Even if something is not respecting me, I feel terrible. So why do I need others' respect so much ? My guess is that I don't want to rely on my own self-respect! And why not? Because sometimes, I don't really respect myself too much. And that feels horrible! What is there not to respect? Well, sometimes I don't do the things I ought to do... and that makes me feel very guilty. So my question is, isn't there a better option than feeling guilty - ignoring this by relying on other people's opinions of me - then drowning these other people's opinions out when they don't approve of me by eating sugar? And my conclusion is YES

Stage 1 is to take back my own opinion of my self-worth and not rely on others.

Stage 2 is to learn how to do deal with the fact that sometimes my opinion of myself is low. There are two options here:

a) Let's say that sometimes I am being overly strict with myself, and asking of myself things that don't actually need to be done. Or else, they don't need to be done by me, or they don't need to be done in a certain way, or they don't need to be done right now. It's OK to explore whether my conscious mind is setting me the right goals, the ones I believe in. If I find it's so, I can modify the goal. This would help me to be able to do it. Anyway, if the source of the bad attitude towards myself is a goal I don't agree with, I don't need to maintain the bad attitude! I can change the goal.

b) Sometimes I think I run away too fast! Even if the goal seems right yet I'm not doing it, I am so scared of this scenario that I immediately change the subject in my brain! Quick - get the sugar! It's OK to live with conflict for a bit - it could be the conflict that creates creativeness. Conflict ain't dangerous, but it sure feels that way. Also, it's hard to keep two opposites in your head at once, and accept that they might both be true, when they really don't feel like it, until the new idea comes up that is able to unite them. (From Rabbi M Miller). But denying that one of them is a truth is not a solution. Entertaining the option that they MIGHT both be correct can be more successful.

c) I may have a block that is preventing me from doing what I want to. The block might be any of a number of things, and it may need to be be worked through - or worked around - first.

d) I may need to find the awareness that a solution outside of me exists, and the courage to ask for advice or new tools to find that solution. Or I may need to look inwards, or upwards.