I read an interesting thought recently, from Milton Erikson. He wrote that pain is one third the memory of what happened, one third the current pain, and one third the fear of what might happen in the future.
I've found that by addressing the person's expectations of what 'might happen' and what "happened" their pain is brought down to more manageable levels very fast. I always ask for details about the accident, and as to the future, I try to give them some sort of safe details about what they can expect.
Even if they disagree with me, their fears are brought down to more manageable levels as they probe into real possibilities instead of exagerated ones. And as the fears drop, the pain (or the painful aspect of the pain) drops with it.
Sometimes, one needs to talk about the human error factor that was involved, and what solutions would be needed to prevent the problem from happening again.
Mildred Thill on the Emofree forums says that for some people, especially guys, she prefers to do EFT directly on the actual pain feeling involved. Then as the pain lessens or moves, she would do EFT on the new pain type or position. To read more, check out http://eftcommunity.emofree.com/forums/t/4201.aspx
Other people describe how they use NLP techniques to ask for a 'character description' to the pain. They use guessing techniques, in which the person with the pain just says the first answer they think of.
For example they ask "Pain doesn't have a color - but if this pain DID have a color, what might might it be?" "how big is the pain - bigger than your hand, or smaller?" "If the pain could talk, what might it say?" "Is the pain moving or still?"
Then they do EFT with the descriptions that have been used.
Using "I choose"
When we think about what is happening, we don't always notice the choices that are taking place. For example we may think "I am sitting near my computer". But we could rephrase that to include the idea of choice: "I am choosing to sit near my computer".
As I've mentioned in the last few blog posts, it can be fascinating to see just how many times we are making choices when it seems like we were just doing something.
Similarly, other people are choosing certain behaviors too. Now why do I care to tell you this? Not so that you can hurt them back when they choose unpleasant choices. But rather to let you see that they are people with free will, and that they are making choices. When people do things, they are (nearly always) choosing to do it.
This is liberating because so many people think that others are "just born mean" or "can't help hurting". As a result, they see situations as desperate and unresolvable. They feel wretched, and they too make retaliatory choices that they are not entirely happy with, eg to take revenge, to get divorced, to be depressed. Hey don't slam me yet for that last one! It's also a choice, but I need to explain something further before you might believe me!!!
You see, let's say I meet a neighbor as I'm walking in the street, and she basically ignores me. I would feel bad. LOA experts might say I am attracting that behavior. I can shrug and say "I don't care". None of these options make me feel better nor give me an easy plan of action.
So let me try it this way for a second. I label "she is ignoring me". I then rephrase "she is choosing to ignore me". Suddenly, I can give credence to my feeling that she is hurting my feelings, while before, I had a certain amount of self-doubt as to whether she just didn't really notice me, and I was making a big deal out of nothing. No, I'll assume for a minute that she IS ignoring me. In fact, I'll assume that she is CHOOSING to ignore me. It is entirely possible. In fact, I can even go two steps further and say "She is choosing to ignore me, and that makes me feel bad" and "she is choosing to ignore me and she is (possibly subconsciously) choosing to act towards me in a way that many people would consider disrespectful".
When I look at this friend now, I have a whole new understanding. I mean why on earth would someone choose to make someone feel bad in this way?
Perhaps she is very goal-orientated and hasn't the least idea of how relationships can benefit everyone, including herself. Perhaps she feels she needs to assert herself by acting disrespectfully towards others. Perhaps she is trying to snub me for something I did wrong in the past. Perhaps she has an imaginary hierarchy of people who are VIPs and she doesn't consider me anywhere near the top. Perhaps she thinks I am older than her, so I couldn't be desirous of any positive relationship with her. Perhaps her life is running according to plan and she has everything she wants, and it's too scary for her to deal with people who look, perhaps, like they haven't yet got much of what they want.
Perhaps perhaps, there are a million possibilities, and maybe many of them are true, but one thing is for sure. When I see that someone is making a choice to act disrespectfully towards me, I feel safe to explore the reasons for their choice. I see it is more to do with them and their view of the world, than it is about me. Her choice to act disrespectful may be specific to me, but as I explore, I see how she hardly knows me, and is just using me as the receiving end of her feelings and stuck thought patterns. I don't think anymore that she judged me fairly and found that I fail. And maybe, just maybe, all the above ideas were more my insecurities and belief systems than anything else.
So when I say that she is choosing to be disrespectful, she is probably unconscious of this choice. But at some level, she could really begin take responsibility for some of her flawed thinking patterns, which would help her to act nicer.
People are capable of changing. They can challenge their thought patterns and realign them with reality. As a result, they will act nicer and feel happier.
I read today that when we have an experience that we don't like, we sort of say NO! in our thinking. As in "NO, I can't bear that". In such a case, our thinking is out of line with reality and we feel suffering. Saying NO to reality is often the cause of the pain we feel.
Long ago, I thought of an example of pushing a heavy object with a lot of force. Why don't we experience this as painful? Because we chose to do it, so we accept it. Yet, if that same heavy object would fall towards us with exactly the same force, we would feel pain. I think it's because we didn't choose it or expect it. Some of us like to think that we are in charge, and will only "allow" the things that we choose. If things happen contrary to our expectations and plans, we don't "allow" them - and yet they happen, so we feel pain! It's the pain of saying "NO" to reality.
In a similar way, if a person acts disrespectfully to me, and I don't "allow" this, then I will feel pain. But as soon as I can understand that she is she, with her own life history, journey, understandings, current thought patterns - and potential for change, my pain drops to zero.
And I can even go one step further, since I'm a believing Jew. I know that she, like everyone else, is here in this world with a possibility of having a great effect here in creating Kiddush Shem Shamayim (Awareness of G-d's greatness and how He's involved in the world). In order to create more than already exists, (I think that) one has to challenge existing stuck thought patterns, and let go of our NOs. If that's her potential, it's probably somewhere in her aspirations too, and I guess we're not so different after all.
Not only that, but perhaps I can become aware that she is likely already trying to break out of stuck thought patterns and emotions, in her own way, already. In fact, she probably has what to teach me too. As friends we can do so much more than as individuals.
I remember that a friend of mine once said: "but I don't like to be treated disrespectfully" - I wonder if it's because we really want everyone else to be perfect and nice, so that we can lean on them. Ahem.
So when my neighbor ignores me in the street, I first say "she is choosing to treat me disrespectfully". I then feel my own power coming rushing back into my body. I realize that in some sense, she still has inner improvements to make, and I can feel pity for that. And, a moment later, I can gradually help myself consider that she possibly does not mean to offend the real me and might even welcome a better relationship.
So I find I can (choose to) smile or even grin at her, and say "Hey, how are you doing today?" And who knows, I may even help build a new relationship today.
As I've mentioned in the last few blog posts, it can be fascinating to see just how many times we are making choices when it seems like we were just doing something.
Similarly, other people are choosing certain behaviors too. Now why do I care to tell you this? Not so that you can hurt them back when they choose unpleasant choices. But rather to let you see that they are people with free will, and that they are making choices. When people do things, they are (nearly always) choosing to do it.
This is liberating because so many people think that others are "just born mean" or "can't help hurting". As a result, they see situations as desperate and unresolvable. They feel wretched, and they too make retaliatory choices that they are not entirely happy with, eg to take revenge, to get divorced, to be depressed. Hey don't slam me yet for that last one! It's also a choice, but I need to explain something further before you might believe me!!!
You see, let's say I meet a neighbor as I'm walking in the street, and she basically ignores me. I would feel bad. LOA experts might say I am attracting that behavior. I can shrug and say "I don't care". None of these options make me feel better nor give me an easy plan of action.
So let me try it this way for a second. I label "she is ignoring me". I then rephrase "she is choosing to ignore me". Suddenly, I can give credence to my feeling that she is hurting my feelings, while before, I had a certain amount of self-doubt as to whether she just didn't really notice me, and I was making a big deal out of nothing. No, I'll assume for a minute that she IS ignoring me. In fact, I'll assume that she is CHOOSING to ignore me. It is entirely possible. In fact, I can even go two steps further and say "She is choosing to ignore me, and that makes me feel bad" and "she is choosing to ignore me and she is (possibly subconsciously) choosing to act towards me in a way that many people would consider disrespectful".
When I look at this friend now, I have a whole new understanding. I mean why on earth would someone choose to make someone feel bad in this way?
Perhaps she is very goal-orientated and hasn't the least idea of how relationships can benefit everyone, including herself. Perhaps she feels she needs to assert herself by acting disrespectfully towards others. Perhaps she is trying to snub me for something I did wrong in the past. Perhaps she has an imaginary hierarchy of people who are VIPs and she doesn't consider me anywhere near the top. Perhaps she thinks I am older than her, so I couldn't be desirous of any positive relationship with her. Perhaps her life is running according to plan and she has everything she wants, and it's too scary for her to deal with people who look, perhaps, like they haven't yet got much of what they want.
Perhaps perhaps, there are a million possibilities, and maybe many of them are true, but one thing is for sure. When I see that someone is making a choice to act disrespectfully towards me, I feel safe to explore the reasons for their choice. I see it is more to do with them and their view of the world, than it is about me. Her choice to act disrespectful may be specific to me, but as I explore, I see how she hardly knows me, and is just using me as the receiving end of her feelings and stuck thought patterns. I don't think anymore that she judged me fairly and found that I fail. And maybe, just maybe, all the above ideas were more my insecurities and belief systems than anything else.
So when I say that she is choosing to be disrespectful, she is probably unconscious of this choice. But at some level, she could really begin take responsibility for some of her flawed thinking patterns, which would help her to act nicer.
People are capable of changing. They can challenge their thought patterns and realign them with reality. As a result, they will act nicer and feel happier.
I read today that when we have an experience that we don't like, we sort of say NO! in our thinking. As in "NO, I can't bear that". In such a case, our thinking is out of line with reality and we feel suffering. Saying NO to reality is often the cause of the pain we feel.
Long ago, I thought of an example of pushing a heavy object with a lot of force. Why don't we experience this as painful? Because we chose to do it, so we accept it. Yet, if that same heavy object would fall towards us with exactly the same force, we would feel pain. I think it's because we didn't choose it or expect it. Some of us like to think that we are in charge, and will only "allow" the things that we choose. If things happen contrary to our expectations and plans, we don't "allow" them - and yet they happen, so we feel pain! It's the pain of saying "NO" to reality.
In a similar way, if a person acts disrespectfully to me, and I don't "allow" this, then I will feel pain. But as soon as I can understand that she is she, with her own life history, journey, understandings, current thought patterns - and potential for change, my pain drops to zero.
And I can even go one step further, since I'm a believing Jew. I know that she, like everyone else, is here in this world with a possibility of having a great effect here in creating Kiddush Shem Shamayim (Awareness of G-d's greatness and how He's involved in the world). In order to create more than already exists, (I think that) one has to challenge existing stuck thought patterns, and let go of our NOs. If that's her potential, it's probably somewhere in her aspirations too, and I guess we're not so different after all.
Not only that, but perhaps I can become aware that she is likely already trying to break out of stuck thought patterns and emotions, in her own way, already. In fact, she probably has what to teach me too. As friends we can do so much more than as individuals.
I remember that a friend of mine once said: "but I don't like to be treated disrespectfully" - I wonder if it's because we really want everyone else to be perfect and nice, so that we can lean on them. Ahem.
So when my neighbor ignores me in the street, I first say "she is choosing to treat me disrespectfully". I then feel my own power coming rushing back into my body. I realize that in some sense, she still has inner improvements to make, and I can feel pity for that. And, a moment later, I can gradually help myself consider that she possibly does not mean to offend the real me and might even welcome a better relationship.
So I find I can (choose to) smile or even grin at her, and say "Hey, how are you doing today?" And who knows, I may even help build a new relationship today.
Turn it around.
I don't know much about Byron Katie and her Work, but I have read her 4 questions, and her idea about using a turnaround.
Using MOs also invites turnarounds. Today, I was lying down, and I needed to do loads of stuff.
So I said to myself:
"I must get up, but I don't want to" I thought that this might help me process what was going on in me, but to no avail. So then a lightbulb went off in my brain, and I thought to try to Turn it Around.
So I said:
"I want to get up, but I'm not allowed to". I tasted that statement. And do you know what? It was more accurate than the first statement. Because I did want to get up. And I also had a little inner child that perhaps needed nurturing. And when I did nurture her (she was five and had been treated very badly by her teacher, and was still miserable today), I found that I actually was able to get up.
What do you say?
Using MOs also invites turnarounds. Today, I was lying down, and I needed to do loads of stuff.
So I said to myself:
"I must get up, but I don't want to" I thought that this might help me process what was going on in me, but to no avail. So then a lightbulb went off in my brain, and I thought to try to Turn it Around.
So I said:
"I want to get up, but I'm not allowed to". I tasted that statement. And do you know what? It was more accurate than the first statement. Because I did want to get up. And I also had a little inner child that perhaps needed nurturing. And when I did nurture her (she was five and had been treated very badly by her teacher, and was still miserable today), I found that I actually was able to get up.
What do you say?
hi all
Note: Please read until the WARNING in the middle of this post before applying any ideas on this blog.
I don't know what to say, so others might tell me not to write anything. But nobody is saying that aloud right now, so I'm going to do what I want and just type, and see what comes out.
You see, sometimes one doesn't know what to write because one has nothing at all to share (I guess). But other times, like now, for me, it's because it's all locked up in my brain and I don't know how to find the unravelling thread to access it. And it could be that there are many unravelling threads, so the main thing is to TRY to unravel. Or to TRY to express. So that's what I'm doing here, thanks for being so patient with me.
Yesterday I wrote all these interesting things about MOs. And although I don't think I did the most amazing job explaining them, and how they are valuable I'd like to continue along the same theme today. I wonder whether my writing-reluctance comes from feeling sad that I didn't express it all well enough yesterday. So I do hope you'll all forgive me for trying to express things, but possibly leaving you unclear. I hate unclarity. But maybe sometimes it's better to be unclear and know it, than to just leave everything inside in a large, unravelled knot.
The thing about MOs is that they represent an entirely new appoach in energy work. The standard EFT that I've been using is described always in terms of feelings and emotions and pain. Hopes and dreams, wishes and distress.
With these MOs, I'm extending you an invitation to explore POWER issues! Yes, that's right! Power, as in "I can" "I must" "I choose to" and "I want to". Power, as in, why aren't I doing what I planned to? What I could do?
With the energy work I've previously been doing, these power aspects have not been given enough clarity and strength. They're sort of used as the Setup endings, and you pick whichever feels right to you.
Now, I'd like to suggest that we explore how we are treating these ideas and where we feel blocked because of them. However, before we start exploring, it's worth knowing that the MOs can't work unless you also have a subject - the person involved, and an action - the verb involved. So thinking about "can versus should" can be quite meaningless. Yet focusing on "I can set the table" versus "I should set the table" is much more effective.
I'll remind you of the four categories that Steve Andreas described: Necessity, desire, choice and ability.
As you go through your day, or while sitting near your computer say aloud all the four options, especially at times when you feel resistance to something you want to do.
And then, I guess, tap while you're saying it, or focus in deeply. I personally haven't tapped while I said it, because I just mentally focus in on it, and allow any energetic releases to happen. But if you don't know how to do this, or can't, then tap a round for each statement.
The purpose is to discover our hidden beliefs about our abilities and what we feel we ought to do, etc. Sometimes, just discovering our hidden beliefs is enough to disarm them. Other times, further work is needed.
I particularly favor Slow EFT, invented by Silvia Hartmann, I believe, in which you tap on each point until you feel some sort of release happening at that point. Now different people are different, and some people Feel releases, others imagine Seeing them, and others just Know that they have had them, while still others Sense that they've had them.
Some people are very sensitive to releases and can tell when energy is moving, while other people are not sensitive at all to energy fields, and might never understand what releases are. Still other people may have loads of issues that are blocking them from being sensitive to energy release, but as these are resolved, they become very aware of them.
Some people don't experience energy releases, because they're not able to release much energy. There could be many reasons for this. It could be that they may be unconsciously holding their current thought patterns very tightly. It can be very hard for such people to use energy methods to change their thought patterns. This can be because of birth trauma, childhood trauma, allergies, addictions, medication side effects, or other reasons. Not being able to use energy methods is a fact of life for some people, for myriads of possible reasons, and should be respected. It is sometimes changeable. There is also personal choice. Some people, for personal or religious reasons, do not use energy methods. Obviously, this is a matter of personal choice.
For people who don't know when energy is being released, try tapping on each point about 40 times, while breathing gently. At the end of each round, do a slow head roll, wriggle your fingers and toes, take a deep breath and stretch out your arms. Say "peace". Also, don't do many rounds without taking a break.
To help increase the awareness of the sensation of energy release, try to be quite relaxed as you tap. Allow energy to be released in whichever form it needs to be released in. So for some it may be through a change in breathing patterns, some people feel a need to stretch, yawn or sigh. Some releases cause people to burp, others to roll one's head or breathe out noisily, or wiggle their toes. I know of a few cases when people felt inclined to scream, and once when someone vomited (that was me, but it was someone else's problem!). And lots of people laugh or giggle, or suddenly get very distracted and bored.
Sometimes releases are immediate, other times they happen a little while later. It's good to gradually recognize what releases feel like because it can help you make energy work much faster and more targeted, or understand when there is resistance in the system and be more able to explore that resistance. It's a personalized results system that doesn't lie!
You don't have to let the energy release if you choose not to. Yet, if one 'goes with the flow' and allows these body sensations to come to fruition, one often feels a tremendous sense of relief in the body, and also in the issue one was working on.
To know how you feel about something, I advise you to say the statement aloud, or in your brain, as if you really mean it. Then notice what thoughts arise. eg: "What nonsense", or "That's true", or "that's what my parents always said, but can I challenge it?" This is what I mean by 'tasting' the sentence. Immerse yourself in it, for a moment, to see what it means to you.
I personally do not tap while 'tasting' these statements, I just think about them whilst checking in my body if there is any release waiting to take place, and then I let it go. It is usually in the form of stretching, long outer breaths. And the issue feels resolved and I feel empowered as a result - or at least I gain a new perspective on what I was thinking about. Some people may not believe this.
If you can explore the MOs and make thought-pattern changes without using any form of energy work, or with other energy methods, I'd be very interested to learn how to do it. Please leave a comment!
As I mentioned in a previous post, it is also very interesting to mix together two or more MOs in a sentence, and see how you react to that. It's also good to notice interactions between different people. Try out these sentences by tasting how they feel:
I have a few important points to make here:
1) it is important to be well hydrated - but not over hydrated when doing any type of brain or energy work.
2) Regularly taking Omega 3 supplements is also very useful for any type of thinking, dealing with thought patterns, or calming work. If you're Jewish, check if your brand is Kosher.
3) WARNING: Energy releases can sometimes help you uncover an unrelated very deep issue, that you've been in denial about. The issue may be very important, and accessing it can make you DEPRESSED, UNMOTIVATED, SCARED, SHIVERY, etc. You may not be aware of what is is that is causing you to feel this way.
As I said in the disclaimer below, I can't take responsibility for your use of my ideas. I don't know your issues, I don't know what you may have repressed, and I'm not often available to help you sort it out. I believe that if you keep tapping you will find resolution, but this may take MANY MONTHS OF TAPPING - if you're doing it on your own! There are lots of ways to tap and release which are faster, more meaningful, more guided, more gentle, and more direct - yet you don't necessarily have the experience to know these. So doing it alone might set you up for a rough time.
In the meantime, if you get depressed, you'll need support and help, physically and emotionally! So if you do what I've suggested in this posting, and explore all these issues, please remember that everyone needs lots of guidance. We bang into corners often as we try to sort out our own issues. I do think that there are always solutions, but they are not always so easy to find, especially for the person who is suffering. Many of us have a tendency to be VERY HARD on ourselves, and thus we tend to deal with our issues in a very ROUGH and painful way, unless a loving practitioner helps us do otherwise.
The reason I have posted the above about MOs and energy releases is because I think that it is very liberating to discover our inconsistencies. For example, it's nice to know that we were believing that "I must - therefore I don't want to". I think it is empowering.
But although for me, at my stage of development, this is empowering, yet for you, it may be dispowering, so please remember to only do these things if you will also take responsibility for the consequences. Because they might be really bad. I'm not saying this only to protect myself legally, but because I care about you.
Energy work is powerful WHETHER YOU BELIEVE IT OR NOT, and WHETHER YOU FEEL ENERGETIC RELEASES OR NOT. Opening yourself up to self-introspection is best done with the support of a paid practitioner or at least a guided support group.
I don't know what to say, so others might tell me not to write anything. But nobody is saying that aloud right now, so I'm going to do what I want and just type, and see what comes out.
You see, sometimes one doesn't know what to write because one has nothing at all to share (I guess). But other times, like now, for me, it's because it's all locked up in my brain and I don't know how to find the unravelling thread to access it. And it could be that there are many unravelling threads, so the main thing is to TRY to unravel. Or to TRY to express. So that's what I'm doing here, thanks for being so patient with me.
Yesterday I wrote all these interesting things about MOs. And although I don't think I did the most amazing job explaining them, and how they are valuable I'd like to continue along the same theme today. I wonder whether my writing-reluctance comes from feeling sad that I didn't express it all well enough yesterday. So I do hope you'll all forgive me for trying to express things, but possibly leaving you unclear. I hate unclarity. But maybe sometimes it's better to be unclear and know it, than to just leave everything inside in a large, unravelled knot.
The thing about MOs is that they represent an entirely new appoach in energy work. The standard EFT that I've been using is described always in terms of feelings and emotions and pain. Hopes and dreams, wishes and distress.
With these MOs, I'm extending you an invitation to explore POWER issues! Yes, that's right! Power, as in "I can" "I must" "I choose to" and "I want to". Power, as in, why aren't I doing what I planned to? What I could do?
With the energy work I've previously been doing, these power aspects have not been given enough clarity and strength. They're sort of used as the Setup endings, and you pick whichever feels right to you.
Now, I'd like to suggest that we explore how we are treating these ideas and where we feel blocked because of them. However, before we start exploring, it's worth knowing that the MOs can't work unless you also have a subject - the person involved, and an action - the verb involved. So thinking about "can versus should" can be quite meaningless. Yet focusing on "I can set the table" versus "I should set the table" is much more effective.
I'll remind you of the four categories that Steve Andreas described: Necessity, desire, choice and ability.
As you go through your day, or while sitting near your computer say aloud all the four options, especially at times when you feel resistance to something you want to do.
And then, I guess, tap while you're saying it, or focus in deeply. I personally haven't tapped while I said it, because I just mentally focus in on it, and allow any energetic releases to happen. But if you don't know how to do this, or can't, then tap a round for each statement.
The purpose is to discover our hidden beliefs about our abilities and what we feel we ought to do, etc. Sometimes, just discovering our hidden beliefs is enough to disarm them. Other times, further work is needed.
I particularly favor Slow EFT, invented by Silvia Hartmann, I believe, in which you tap on each point until you feel some sort of release happening at that point. Now different people are different, and some people Feel releases, others imagine Seeing them, and others just Know that they have had them, while still others Sense that they've had them.
Some people are very sensitive to releases and can tell when energy is moving, while other people are not sensitive at all to energy fields, and might never understand what releases are. Still other people may have loads of issues that are blocking them from being sensitive to energy release, but as these are resolved, they become very aware of them.
Some people don't experience energy releases, because they're not able to release much energy. There could be many reasons for this. It could be that they may be unconsciously holding their current thought patterns very tightly. It can be very hard for such people to use energy methods to change their thought patterns. This can be because of birth trauma, childhood trauma, allergies, addictions, medication side effects, or other reasons. Not being able to use energy methods is a fact of life for some people, for myriads of possible reasons, and should be respected. It is sometimes changeable. There is also personal choice. Some people, for personal or religious reasons, do not use energy methods. Obviously, this is a matter of personal choice.
For people who don't know when energy is being released, try tapping on each point about 40 times, while breathing gently. At the end of each round, do a slow head roll, wriggle your fingers and toes, take a deep breath and stretch out your arms. Say "peace". Also, don't do many rounds without taking a break.
To help increase the awareness of the sensation of energy release, try to be quite relaxed as you tap. Allow energy to be released in whichever form it needs to be released in. So for some it may be through a change in breathing patterns, some people feel a need to stretch, yawn or sigh. Some releases cause people to burp, others to roll one's head or breathe out noisily, or wiggle their toes. I know of a few cases when people felt inclined to scream, and once when someone vomited (that was me, but it was someone else's problem!). And lots of people laugh or giggle, or suddenly get very distracted and bored.
Sometimes releases are immediate, other times they happen a little while later. It's good to gradually recognize what releases feel like because it can help you make energy work much faster and more targeted, or understand when there is resistance in the system and be more able to explore that resistance. It's a personalized results system that doesn't lie!
You don't have to let the energy release if you choose not to. Yet, if one 'goes with the flow' and allows these body sensations to come to fruition, one often feels a tremendous sense of relief in the body, and also in the issue one was working on.
To know how you feel about something, I advise you to say the statement aloud, or in your brain, as if you really mean it. Then notice what thoughts arise. eg: "What nonsense", or "That's true", or "that's what my parents always said, but can I challenge it?" This is what I mean by 'tasting' the sentence. Immerse yourself in it, for a moment, to see what it means to you.
I personally do not tap while 'tasting' these statements, I just think about them whilst checking in my body if there is any release waiting to take place, and then I let it go. It is usually in the form of stretching, long outer breaths. And the issue feels resolved and I feel empowered as a result - or at least I gain a new perspective on what I was thinking about. Some people may not believe this.
If you can explore the MOs and make thought-pattern changes without using any form of energy work, or with other energy methods, I'd be very interested to learn how to do it. Please leave a comment!
As I mentioned in a previous post, it is also very interesting to mix together two or more MOs in a sentence, and see how you react to that. It's also good to notice interactions between different people. Try out these sentences by tasting how they feel:
- "I would like to be able to choose how to behave when someone says something that I do not like to hear",
- "he has to (choose to) do exactly what I say (need)"
- "I cannot choose how he chooses to talk to me"
- "I cannot yet choose how I speak to myself - I'm stuck to copying how others speak to me - but I would like to be able to choose to speak to myself gently".
I have a few important points to make here:
1) it is important to be well hydrated - but not over hydrated when doing any type of brain or energy work.
2) Regularly taking Omega 3 supplements is also very useful for any type of thinking, dealing with thought patterns, or calming work. If you're Jewish, check if your brand is Kosher.
3) WARNING: Energy releases can sometimes help you uncover an unrelated very deep issue, that you've been in denial about. The issue may be very important, and accessing it can make you DEPRESSED, UNMOTIVATED, SCARED, SHIVERY, etc. You may not be aware of what is is that is causing you to feel this way.
As I said in the disclaimer below, I can't take responsibility for your use of my ideas. I don't know your issues, I don't know what you may have repressed, and I'm not often available to help you sort it out. I believe that if you keep tapping you will find resolution, but this may take MANY MONTHS OF TAPPING - if you're doing it on your own! There are lots of ways to tap and release which are faster, more meaningful, more guided, more gentle, and more direct - yet you don't necessarily have the experience to know these. So doing it alone might set you up for a rough time.
In the meantime, if you get depressed, you'll need support and help, physically and emotionally! So if you do what I've suggested in this posting, and explore all these issues, please remember that everyone needs lots of guidance. We bang into corners often as we try to sort out our own issues. I do think that there are always solutions, but they are not always so easy to find, especially for the person who is suffering. Many of us have a tendency to be VERY HARD on ourselves, and thus we tend to deal with our issues in a very ROUGH and painful way, unless a loving practitioner helps us do otherwise.
The reason I have posted the above about MOs and energy releases is because I think that it is very liberating to discover our inconsistencies. For example, it's nice to know that we were believing that "I must - therefore I don't want to". I think it is empowering.
But although for me, at my stage of development, this is empowering, yet for you, it may be dispowering, so please remember to only do these things if you will also take responsibility for the consequences. Because they might be really bad. I'm not saying this only to protect myself legally, but because I care about you.
Energy work is powerful WHETHER YOU BELIEVE IT OR NOT, and WHETHER YOU FEEL ENERGETIC RELEASES OR NOT. Opening yourself up to self-introspection is best done with the support of a paid practitioner or at least a guided support group.
Some NLP
Before I start, let me make something very clear. I have NEVER studied NLP. I have just read a couple of articles and a couple of points here and there. I would love to know more.
The following is based on an article by Steve Andreas. You can read it here: http://www.nlpanchorpoint.com/aAndreasMO.htm
He talks about some strange objects knows as MOs. OK, I'll be honest, they're not objects at all, they're a kind of words. Like verbs, and nouns. MOs are a type of adverbs - words that are used together with verbs. Steve groups them into the following categories:
These two categories are to do with our motivations:
Necessity: eg should, must, have to, ought to (and shouldn't, mustn't)
Desire: eg wish, want, would love, (and hate, disgusted)
These two categories are to do with our options:
Possibility: eg can, could, able to, capable of (and can't, unable to, couldn't)
Choice: eg prefer, choose, select, (and spurn, unselect, don't choose)
As will be pretty obvious to you, none of these words are very useful on their own. They all need another verb to be used together with them, eg "I choose to go out", "I must do the laundry".
What I find really captivating about these little words are how they show up our thought patterns! They can teach us so much about how our thinking is stuck! And they can teach us so many other things about the patterns we are living through!
I don't know quite how to explain this, perhaps you'd better read the article yourself. But I'll try. Steve Andreas writes about how these MO words are often used two together. So you might say: "I should be able to" or "I will choose that if I want to". There are 512 ways in which they MOs can be combined, and each person will find some of these combinations hard to say - and live with!
You probably have guessed by now, I straight away tried out some of the options. As I went through my day, I talked aloud (to myself) saying which MOs I was using: "I wish I could" "I must, but I won't!"
I found out so much about my motivations, and my imagined and real limitations. I was also able to address some of them: "do I actually agree with this? Is it true what I'm believing? Is it changeable? Can I live with this, for a while at least?" These were patterns I hadn't even noticed before!
I also did something else he recommended: I observed my interactions with others, while mentioning to myself the MOs:
eg "She keeps wanting the opposite of what I choose!"
I tell you, it was fascinating!
The following is based on an article by Steve Andreas. You can read it here: http://www.nlpanchorpoint.com/aAndreasMO.htm
He talks about some strange objects knows as MOs. OK, I'll be honest, they're not objects at all, they're a kind of words. Like verbs, and nouns. MOs are a type of adverbs - words that are used together with verbs. Steve groups them into the following categories:
These two categories are to do with our motivations:
Necessity: eg should, must, have to, ought to (and shouldn't, mustn't)
Desire: eg wish, want, would love, (and hate, disgusted)
These two categories are to do with our options:
Possibility: eg can, could, able to, capable of (and can't, unable to, couldn't)
Choice: eg prefer, choose, select, (and spurn, unselect, don't choose)
As will be pretty obvious to you, none of these words are very useful on their own. They all need another verb to be used together with them, eg "I choose to go out", "I must do the laundry".
What I find really captivating about these little words are how they show up our thought patterns! They can teach us so much about how our thinking is stuck! And they can teach us so many other things about the patterns we are living through!
I don't know quite how to explain this, perhaps you'd better read the article yourself. But I'll try. Steve Andreas writes about how these MO words are often used two together. So you might say: "I should be able to" or "I will choose that if I want to". There are 512 ways in which they MOs can be combined, and each person will find some of these combinations hard to say - and live with!
You probably have guessed by now, I straight away tried out some of the options. As I went through my day, I talked aloud (to myself) saying which MOs I was using: "I wish I could" "I must, but I won't!"
I found out so much about my motivations, and my imagined and real limitations. I was also able to address some of them: "do I actually agree with this? Is it true what I'm believing? Is it changeable? Can I live with this, for a while at least?" These were patterns I hadn't even noticed before!
I also did something else he recommended: I observed my interactions with others, while mentioning to myself the MOs:
eg "She keeps wanting the opposite of what I choose!"
I tell you, it was fascinating!
other reading
Part of me feels bad for reading so much, and part of me loves it. Since this conflict doesn't bother me too much, or I'm in denial, let me go ahead and share what I read, while I make sure to expose the above fault (talk about disassociation).
I just read Rue Hass' article, at her site IntuitiveMentoring.com. She writes about the usual ending in fairy tales, when two perfect people get married, "and they lived happily ever after". So why doesn't it work in real life? My relative, by the way, told me that we should read it like this "they lived happily. After two days, they got divorced".
But Rue reads it differently: "they lived happily, ever after". In other words, they didn't suddenly turn to the relationship to give them the happiness. They each saw as their responsibility and ability to create their own independent happiness. They kept it up their entire lives. They found Happiness During Marriage, as opposed to Happines From Marriage.
That was very profound.
We see so much potential happiness in marriage, and yet, when we look for it, it often doesn't seem to be there. Why not? Is this:
I just read Rue Hass' article, at her site IntuitiveMentoring.com. She writes about the usual ending in fairy tales, when two perfect people get married, "and they lived happily ever after". So why doesn't it work in real life? My relative, by the way, told me that we should read it like this "they lived happily. After two days, they got divorced".
But Rue reads it differently: "they lived happily, ever after". In other words, they didn't suddenly turn to the relationship to give them the happiness. They each saw as their responsibility and ability to create their own independent happiness. They kept it up their entire lives. They found Happiness During Marriage, as opposed to Happines From Marriage.
That was very profound.
We see so much potential happiness in marriage, and yet, when we look for it, it often doesn't seem to be there. Why not? Is this:
- because we looked for it?
- because it's not in marriage, it's in us?
- because the more we need or expect a feeling, the less we have it?
Think about love, or happiness, or peace. Does wishing for it make it happen? Or does wishing for it drive it away? Or fear - if you wish to dissolve it, does it just go?
Law of Attraction specialists tell us that wishing for love when you don't have it means that you are focused on what you don't have, so you attract more of that lack. And fearing something means your attention is on that which you fear, so you're likely to attract more of that fear. Seems like you can't win!
On the other hand, what other solutions are there, if you want peaceful feelings and you don't have them?
- Do the opposite to trick your brain, eg wish for hate and war.
- Be grateful for the tiny amounts of love or happiness you already have.
- Blame someone else, or try to fix them.
- Get depressed or passive aggressive.
- Get bored with the love or happiness until they come by themselves.
- Get jealous of people who have them.
- Let go of negative feelings like anger and depression, and the natural positive ones will bubble to the top.
- Deal with all your Traumatic and traumatic memories.
- Mix with high energy people.
- Ignore all the sadder or needier or colder people in your life.
- Release your vows to be sad
- Recognize that not having nice feelings might represent a safe comfort zone for you.
All of the above are interesting ideas for contemplation, but my mind is still thinking about the tips I have mentioned in my previous few points - that we need bigger solutions than the individual. The solution will involve the past and the future, ourselves and our friends and family, our dreams and hopes and beliefs and fears, and lots of what we don't yet know! If you or I knew the answers, we wouldn't still be looking for them! But at the same time, my answers won't fit your situation, and yours won't be good enough for me. Sure we can share ideas and advice, but ultimately we can each find our own solution!
In previous posts I wrote about Question Tapping. In one post, I described how questions should be asked in a certain order: Why, What and then How. The truth is that since then, I've experimented, and found that I don't want to be limited to tapping in a certain order or with certain words. But I do still like the idea of tapping with a question at the end.
So here's my new twist: Use Setups with any kind of query at the end: "even though I have this problem, I wonder why I have it?" "ET ... I wonder if there's anything to do about it?" "ET ... is there any way I could change it?" and all sorts of other questions that you can think of. Particularly maybe add a bit about identity "ET... I wonder if it's important to my identity to keep this problem" and safety "ET ... perhaps it's safer for me to keep this problem".
And then tap on all the points using all the ideas that spring to your mind of what might be contributing reasons. For example:
- "Could it be connected to X?"
- "Is it because of that thing that happened?"
- "Is that the way they've been brought up? I wonder what happened before that"
- "Is it because I'm scared of something?"
- "Could I possibly seek advice from someone who is more knowledgeable than me in this matter?"
You see, when we do EFT with intuition, we often jump at the first suggestion or association that comes to mind, and tap on that thing. And usualy we get results. But if we don't tap on ALL the associations, aren't we letting ourselves in for a re-currence of the behavior, or pain? If it's a really big thing, why can't we accept that there are likely to be multiple roots?
Finally, using this method, we don't have to solve aspects one at a time. Often, we can just throw questions into the air. I wonder if in some ways this opens us to better resolution.
I've found that the results are a gradual satisfaction and calming takes place. True the results aren't sudden and finished, but perhaps they are on their way to a more complete conclusion.
I hope so. What do you think?
Why, what, and how
I read a little more of Gary Williams' Question Tapping (EFT QT). And he makes some very interesting points. He writes that positive affirmations at the end of the EFT setup are good if you believe them, but if you don't, what help are they? I'd add to that that they are a good frame of reference to help a person remember that they and their problem are not one and the same: "even though I have this problem, I deeply and completely love and accept myself". If you don't love or accept yourself, you can always end with "I wonder if there's some way I could come to loving and accepting myself?"
He goes on to describe how very often with EFT, a person might deal with a problem, say an addiction, and it is cured, but then he sort of finds himself instead having a new type of addiction. So there has been a lot of aspects that have not been addressed. That's why he recommends his innovative Question Tapping, which perhaps does not get as fast results, but does lead to greater understanding of the situation.
There are usually many aspects to a problem: in our beliefs, in our thoughts, in society, in our family, in secondary benefits, and in our habits. Problems are really much more three dimensional than can be expressed in a single phrase like "I bite my nails". That's why it really does make sense to explore as many of these as possible, and not to come to a premature solution.
He discusses three types of questions, and says that they should be used in a certain order. The first type of question is Why. After describing the problem in the setup, ask Why?
For example, ask "even though I overeat, why do I overeat?" "why do I need whatever overeating does for me?" "why do I love this type of food?".
At the Why? stage, there are no answers, just questions, which are a challenge to the brain. Brains often like a challenge, and they are set into motion by these why questions. There is no wrong answer, since no answer is even expected. It's just a query. Some people like to word it like this "even though I overeat, I wonder why I do that?"
Being OK with questions, and conflict, and exploration, is a very useful step that would benefit all of us. If we feel that we always have to live only with answers, well, they aren't always available, and those that have already been discovered by brave others don't always fit our particular needs.
The fact that we overeat - and yet don't want to, shows that we have two conflicting parts within us. Is the solution to try to get rid of one of the conflicting parts? What if both are actually important? With question tapping, and other methods, both get a voice, and the solution is big enough to fit both of their needs. Remember that parts are parts of YOU, and each has only your good in mind. Drowning out one voice is not healthy or comfortable, nor does it provide a long term solution.
The second question is what? "What" helps us to explore what we could do differently, what we are feeling like, what is keeping the problem in place, what our thought patterns and beliefs are, and what might change if we were to change. We can ask all sorts of What questions, both in the Setup, and if we like, we can change them for each tapping point.
With all these questions in the air, it's not very likely that we will expect any "one-minute wonder" solutions. That's because we want all these aired questions to be answered satisfactorily. We also understand that there might be more questions we should be asking to get the best possible solution. We also understand that solutions that affect society, ourselves relative to society, our families, our futures, can (and really should) be gradual. Respecting this, we aim for gradual improvements.
Williams writes that there's one word that can particularly help us: more. For example we can word questions like "What would help me understand more about what's going on?" "What can I do to encourage myself to eat more healthily?" There are lots of words along the same theme: "what could change to help me eat a little bit less" "what would create a 10% improvement?"
The third type of question is How? It basically means, how can I put this in practice? How can I make this work? How can I fit these ideas into my life? How can I think differently about this? It's a very practical step.
I really like EFT methods that allow a person to create new sentences each time. I also like EFT formulae that give you a sort of structure for your personal questions. This particular formula: Asking questions using Why, What, and How, and using ideas like More, seems like a great combination, especially for complex situations like relationships, overeating, chronic fatigue syndrome, and other things which are multi-dimensional.
Thanks to Gary Williams and to all the wonderful readers who inspire me to think about and write these posts!
He goes on to describe how very often with EFT, a person might deal with a problem, say an addiction, and it is cured, but then he sort of finds himself instead having a new type of addiction. So there has been a lot of aspects that have not been addressed. That's why he recommends his innovative Question Tapping, which perhaps does not get as fast results, but does lead to greater understanding of the situation.
There are usually many aspects to a problem: in our beliefs, in our thoughts, in society, in our family, in secondary benefits, and in our habits. Problems are really much more three dimensional than can be expressed in a single phrase like "I bite my nails". That's why it really does make sense to explore as many of these as possible, and not to come to a premature solution.
He discusses three types of questions, and says that they should be used in a certain order. The first type of question is Why. After describing the problem in the setup, ask Why?
For example, ask "even though I overeat, why do I overeat?" "why do I need whatever overeating does for me?" "why do I love this type of food?".
At the Why? stage, there are no answers, just questions, which are a challenge to the brain. Brains often like a challenge, and they are set into motion by these why questions. There is no wrong answer, since no answer is even expected. It's just a query. Some people like to word it like this "even though I overeat, I wonder why I do that?"
Being OK with questions, and conflict, and exploration, is a very useful step that would benefit all of us. If we feel that we always have to live only with answers, well, they aren't always available, and those that have already been discovered by brave others don't always fit our particular needs.
The fact that we overeat - and yet don't want to, shows that we have two conflicting parts within us. Is the solution to try to get rid of one of the conflicting parts? What if both are actually important? With question tapping, and other methods, both get a voice, and the solution is big enough to fit both of their needs. Remember that parts are parts of YOU, and each has only your good in mind. Drowning out one voice is not healthy or comfortable, nor does it provide a long term solution.
The second question is what? "What" helps us to explore what we could do differently, what we are feeling like, what is keeping the problem in place, what our thought patterns and beliefs are, and what might change if we were to change. We can ask all sorts of What questions, both in the Setup, and if we like, we can change them for each tapping point.
With all these questions in the air, it's not very likely that we will expect any "one-minute wonder" solutions. That's because we want all these aired questions to be answered satisfactorily. We also understand that there might be more questions we should be asking to get the best possible solution. We also understand that solutions that affect society, ourselves relative to society, our families, our futures, can (and really should) be gradual. Respecting this, we aim for gradual improvements.
Williams writes that there's one word that can particularly help us: more. For example we can word questions like "What would help me understand more about what's going on?" "What can I do to encourage myself to eat more healthily?" There are lots of words along the same theme: "what could change to help me eat a little bit less" "what would create a 10% improvement?"
The third type of question is How? It basically means, how can I put this in practice? How can I make this work? How can I fit these ideas into my life? How can I think differently about this? It's a very practical step.
I really like EFT methods that allow a person to create new sentences each time. I also like EFT formulae that give you a sort of structure for your personal questions. This particular formula: Asking questions using Why, What, and How, and using ideas like More, seems like a great combination, especially for complex situations like relationships, overeating, chronic fatigue syndrome, and other things which are multi-dimensional.
Thanks to Gary Williams and to all the wonderful readers who inspire me to think about and write these posts!
YEEESSSS
OK everyone, now hold onto your hats. The way I did EFT was using Gary Williams' Question EFT. Using this method, you describe the bad thing in the first half of the sentence, and then you turn it into a question in the second half of the sentence. If you want to learn more about it, then check out this webpage:
http://emotionalfreedomtechniques.bravehost.com/EFTQT.pdf
So here's what I said:
"Even though I feel really weak, I wonder what I can do about it?" "... I wonder if I could know why I'm weak?" "... I wonder what might be my thought patterns leading me to be weak?" "...I wonder if there's something I can do about it?"
Then I tapped on "ET I don't know what it is about my friend, or about talking to her that made me feel so bad, I wonder what it was" and then I tapped on all the points, bringing up new questions each time: "I wonder if it's because I feel like she is stopping me from changing" "Perhaps she feels like I'm a threat in some ways" "Maybe it's because I'm not allowed to fully express myself to her, she shows me her disapproval".
Please note that I did not vow to cut off contact, I just allowed myself to explore my feelings. Somewhere in the middle of that, I got up, put away the clean dishes I'd washed up (with her help, on the phone, last night!) and even dealt with another load of laundry. All the while I tapped with my right hand and worked with my left. I must grow a third hand!
I didn't come up with any concrete resolution. But I did get the housework done! So maybe that conflict got resolved?
I need to do some more tapping because I'm feeling stressed again, about something else. I hope one day I'll get to the end of all this stress response. Any ideas would be grateful! In the meantime, thanks for hearing me! Bye!
http://emotionalfreedomtechniques.bravehost.com/EFTQT.pdf
So here's what I said:
"Even though I feel really weak, I wonder what I can do about it?" "... I wonder if I could know why I'm weak?" "... I wonder what might be my thought patterns leading me to be weak?" "...I wonder if there's something I can do about it?"
Then I tapped on "ET I don't know what it is about my friend, or about talking to her that made me feel so bad, I wonder what it was" and then I tapped on all the points, bringing up new questions each time: "I wonder if it's because I feel like she is stopping me from changing" "Perhaps she feels like I'm a threat in some ways" "Maybe it's because I'm not allowed to fully express myself to her, she shows me her disapproval".
Please note that I did not vow to cut off contact, I just allowed myself to explore my feelings. Somewhere in the middle of that, I got up, put away the clean dishes I'd washed up (with her help, on the phone, last night!) and even dealt with another load of laundry. All the while I tapped with my right hand and worked with my left. I must grow a third hand!
I didn't come up with any concrete resolution. But I did get the housework done! So maybe that conflict got resolved?
I need to do some more tapping because I'm feeling stressed again, about something else. I hope one day I'll get to the end of all this stress response. Any ideas would be grateful! In the meantime, thanks for hearing me! Bye!
weakness
Well, this post is my views today about weakness.
Weakness is a terrible thing. I mean, it can help us to act in very negative ways, ways that we don't wish to. It can even make us depressed. Pure plain physical weakness does a lot of damage.
I wonder why weakness was invented? Perhaps it indicates that one has some sort of conflict, a really important conflict and it must be addressed before anything else. So maybe that's why it encourages us to act so bad.
Is weakness caused by eating the wrong foods? Well, it's not very clear. I have two thoughts: Either it is not caused by illness or the wrong foods, or it is! You see, weakness could be a symptom of a disease, or a symptom of a disease being cured (according to what I understand from meta-medicine).
Yesterday, I was really, really weak, and it could have been related to that I had been taking GSE, which fights bacteria and fungi. So if the disease was that these bacteria and fungi had built up in me, then the weakness from taking the GSE might have been to do with releasing the disease. A repair stage. Some say that candida releases toxins as they die.
On the other hand, I also had a lot of inner conflict yesterday as I did a lot of energy work about very significant things. Perhaps the weakness was the aftershock of the energy release.
Yet, in my opinion, neither of these is the truth, I think, because the weakness wasn't a peaceful weakness but a sort of highly distressed weakness. Since it felt so awful, I tend to think that the weakness was telling me: "You're close, but you haven't got there yet. There's still something important you have to address!" And indeed, late at night, I realized something really important, tapped for it, and this morning I woke up feeling much better.
If you want to know what it was to do with a 'vow' or belief I'd held for many years, see Chip Englemann's articles on releasing vows.
Was the weakness a prerequisite to discovering this vow? Did all the tapping for weakness and moodiness guide me in uncovering it? Or was it just fluke that I finally thought of it?
Today, as I said, I've been feeling much better, although not exactly energetic. But I can move around. Suddenly a friend phoned me, and as I spoke to her I felt my energy just dissipate until I was sitting - then lying - on the couch. I just couldn't move.
We got to speaking about EFT, which she doesn't know much about and I explained to her how tapping the KC point
helps a person to make peace between their two parts. For example, if one part wants to be kind to a child, but another part wants to be horrid (for some reason, eg because they don't want the child to take advantage of them) then tapping the KC point can help find a resolution between the two parts, eg "I will be kind, but then I am going to my room for ten minutes of quiet time"; or "I will be horrid, but I will be reassuring to the child at the same time".
As I described the effect that tapping the KC can have, even without words, in resolving inner conflicts, I tapped on my own KC. Suddenly, I found myself off the couch and ready to deal with the wet laundry.
What had happened? Why did I get all tired when speaking to her, and what got resolved? I would really like to know.
However, I will do a little experiment. I'm right now writing and don't seem to have energy for much more than this. So I'm going to try to stop writing and instead try tapping on my KC and see if that makes a difference. Thanks for reading!
Weakness is a terrible thing. I mean, it can help us to act in very negative ways, ways that we don't wish to. It can even make us depressed. Pure plain physical weakness does a lot of damage.
I wonder why weakness was invented? Perhaps it indicates that one has some sort of conflict, a really important conflict and it must be addressed before anything else. So maybe that's why it encourages us to act so bad.
Is weakness caused by eating the wrong foods? Well, it's not very clear. I have two thoughts: Either it is not caused by illness or the wrong foods, or it is! You see, weakness could be a symptom of a disease, or a symptom of a disease being cured (according to what I understand from meta-medicine).
Yesterday, I was really, really weak, and it could have been related to that I had been taking GSE, which fights bacteria and fungi. So if the disease was that these bacteria and fungi had built up in me, then the weakness from taking the GSE might have been to do with releasing the disease. A repair stage. Some say that candida releases toxins as they die.
On the other hand, I also had a lot of inner conflict yesterday as I did a lot of energy work about very significant things. Perhaps the weakness was the aftershock of the energy release.
Yet, in my opinion, neither of these is the truth, I think, because the weakness wasn't a peaceful weakness but a sort of highly distressed weakness. Since it felt so awful, I tend to think that the weakness was telling me: "You're close, but you haven't got there yet. There's still something important you have to address!" And indeed, late at night, I realized something really important, tapped for it, and this morning I woke up feeling much better.
If you want to know what it was to do with a 'vow' or belief I'd held for many years, see Chip Englemann's articles on releasing vows.
Was the weakness a prerequisite to discovering this vow? Did all the tapping for weakness and moodiness guide me in uncovering it? Or was it just fluke that I finally thought of it?
Today, as I said, I've been feeling much better, although not exactly energetic. But I can move around. Suddenly a friend phoned me, and as I spoke to her I felt my energy just dissipate until I was sitting - then lying - on the couch. I just couldn't move.
We got to speaking about EFT, which she doesn't know much about and I explained to her how tapping the KC point
helps a person to make peace between their two parts. For example, if one part wants to be kind to a child, but another part wants to be horrid (for some reason, eg because they don't want the child to take advantage of them) then tapping the KC point can help find a resolution between the two parts, eg "I will be kind, but then I am going to my room for ten minutes of quiet time"; or "I will be horrid, but I will be reassuring to the child at the same time".
As I described the effect that tapping the KC can have, even without words, in resolving inner conflicts, I tapped on my own KC. Suddenly, I found myself off the couch and ready to deal with the wet laundry.
What had happened? Why did I get all tired when speaking to her, and what got resolved? I would really like to know.
However, I will do a little experiment. I'm right now writing and don't seem to have energy for much more than this. So I'm going to try to stop writing and instead try tapping on my KC and see if that makes a difference. Thanks for reading!
giving up judging
I just wrote a post and lost it in cyberspace.
I wrote about how it's easier said than done. To give up judging, that is. One think that was particularly hard for me to give up is that I want to be what society's image of a "good person" is. It's very reassuring to be apace with society's image. However, what if your emotional or physical make-up doesn't match society's current trend? Really we should give up trying to be society's "good person" and be the best person we can be. But what if society's opinion is rather important to us? What if we need approval?
So I just wanted to mention that it may not be so easy.
I wrote about how it's easier said than done. To give up judging, that is. One think that was particularly hard for me to give up is that I want to be what society's image of a "good person" is. It's very reassuring to be apace with society's image. However, what if your emotional or physical make-up doesn't match society's current trend? Really we should give up trying to be society's "good person" and be the best person we can be. But what if society's opinion is rather important to us? What if we need approval?
So I just wanted to mention that it may not be so easy.
Tidiness
This is a blog about tidiness. It is inspired by Andrea Amador, and her approach to dieting.
This blog is written for people who have a hard time keeping their place tidy, or clean, yet they really want to.
The old way seems to be to judge yourself, (relative to other people, or to what you want your space to look like) and basically fail. Then you eat, or despair, or go to bed, or try to force yourself to try harder.
The problem is that the natural you still gets a failing grade.
Here's the new way. You let go of the judging step.
It's that judging that locks you into a certain mode of behavior.
It's that judging that makes you hate yourself, and not have confidence in your ability.
It's that judging that makes life seem trudging and drudging.
We've all been to school, and we've all had our tests marked. But most of us have left school. Can we let go of judging?
Look at it this way. What might be a good reason to judge?
This blog is written for people who have a hard time keeping their place tidy, or clean, yet they really want to.
The old way seems to be to judge yourself, (relative to other people, or to what you want your space to look like) and basically fail. Then you eat, or despair, or go to bed, or try to force yourself to try harder.
The problem is that the natural you still gets a failing grade.
Here's the new way. You let go of the judging step.
It's that judging that locks you into a certain mode of behavior.
It's that judging that makes you hate yourself, and not have confidence in your ability.
It's that judging that makes life seem trudging and drudging.
We've all been to school, and we've all had our tests marked. But most of us have left school. Can we let go of judging?
Look at it this way. What might be a good reason to judge?
- To know where we're up to.
- To measure progress.
- To punish ourselves if we fail.
- To claim that we understand fully all the reasons for failure.
- To force ourselves to try harder.
And what are the downsides of judging?
- Much of the mark is based on our mood at the time, not our performance
- We sometimes don't notice the improvements. If we do notice good things, we are much less excited about them as we are upset about what is wrong.
- We also use improvements to prove to ourselves that it was all a matter of willpower, eg to say "SEE what you can do if you try".
- When we see improvements, we measure then against a higher standard that we can envisage, not against where we were.
- We don't notice how we have acted or thought or believed differently, when we see improvement, we just express happiness that the result looks better.
- We give ourselves a physical reward to show our approval, like food, as if to say that we are just performing doggies looking for approval.
- We ignore the spiritual pleasure of moving from a place of mess to a place of tidy.
- We ignore the spiritual conquests we dealt with as we improved, and we don't try to develop them further.
- We ignore the feelings that are involved in the creation of tidiness and we swamp the feelings that are involved in the finished creation.
Julie Englemann writes that we should phrase affirmations as follows:
I feel (positive feeling) ________ now that I have done (practical goal) ________ and (spiritual goal)_________.
You probably agree with me by now that judging does not get you out of a rut. It ignores so many basics.
Many of us make the following associations:
- problems mean that we need motivation, and
- if we need motivation, we must use judging and prizes.
It's too simplistic. Problems don't always indicate the lack of motivation. Motivation isn't long term solved with judging and prizes. In fact, I'd reformulate the above:
- If we use judging and prizes we imply that we had no motivation, and that
- motivation comes from getting pleasure.
So when we judge or use prizes we reinforce for ourselves the belief that we are lacking pleasure. We also reinforce the beliefs that we are in control of how much pleasure we have in our lives, and that we can earn it if we conform.
The whole cycle goes wonky when we leave school, which actually does have a lot of ways to reward and punish us. After school is over, we see that we are not really in control of how much pleasure we have in our lives. We can't earn or have as much stuff as we would like to. Even if we do try to conform, we often don't get paid in full. So the only part of the reinforced beliefs mentioned above that is left, is that we are lacking pleasure.
So the next time you see something "wrong" with you, or with your house, and you find yourself measuring it to another standard (eg comparing it to what others have, or what it once was like, or what it should be like), stop for a moment, and say, why am I judging?
Judging and comparing are so automatic nowadays that we do not stop and think. We don't notice quite how hurtful and stupid it is.
We judge because we think that judging will make it better.
We forget that judging has no power to improve the situation.
We forget that judging just reminds us that we need pleasures, and that we don't have them.
I'd like to stop here, but I'd also like to go on a little further.
I'd like to think about what happens when we stop judging. We look at that smear on the window, or those hundreds of smears, and we are about to say "Stupid me, this is what I'm capable of". We pause, cause Rachel said not to judge! And then what do we do?
How about a mini conversation?
Window: I'm dirty. You didn't clean me.
Me: I am bad. I deserve 3% in cleanliness
Window: Yes that's true! NOW CLEAN ME NOW!
Me: Sorry, I'm not in school any more. You don't scare me.
Window: CLEAN ME NOW! YOU MUST! YOU'LL BE PUNISHED IF YOU DON'T!
Me: Ok punish me. What have you got up your sleeve?
Window: Please clean me now, I'll reward you if you do. You'll feel SO GOOD!
Me: Sorry. I don't buy that. I can feel good already if I want. Stop trying to bribe me. Anyway, what is your bribe, and what's stopping me from getting it without earning it your way?
Window: YOU MUST, YOU Must, you must, you...
Me: Ok, now back to my personal plans. What do I feel like doing today?
Window: please, you must, you must
Me: you're not in charge of me anymore, I'm in charge here. And I'll make my plans without your screaming or wheedling, threats or promises.
Window: You must, you must
Me: how do you know I must?
Window: I'm the boss here. Dirt is the boss. You only mater according to how you perform
Me: So that's your new line is it? It doesn't sound too convincing to me. First you decide what I should be doing, and then you judge me for how well I'm doing it? But I think I'll leave it for another blog post. In the meantime, I'll just remember, that you don't have any way to hurt me nor any way to benefit me. And that if there are pleasures available to me, I don't need to earn them, I can get them already.
Conclusion: There may be real pleasure involved when one CHOOSES to clean - try it and see! Yet this pressure that most of us feel about cleaning is very off-putting. Not only is this pressure off-putting, but it also DENIES that there is any real and direct pleaure that comes from cleaning. It also DENIES that we are the kind of person who might CHOOSE to clean if it is part of our spiritual goals. Instead, the pressure implies to us that we are not the type of person who chooses spiritual goals, and it lies to us that it can force or bribe us, and it implies to us that the only pleasures we are looking for are junk food, increased self-esteem, and things to show off about.
For those of us who have more spiritual aspirations than that, or if we're just plain rebellious, we often don't obey. Yet why do we even believe that these things can be earned? It's like we are saying - they can be earned, but it's below me to take advantage of this offer. It's also like saying: I make it into a god in my beliefs, but I don't obey it. It's a prison mentality.
Physical pleasures can't be earned. They whole equation is wrong. It's only our mind that's associating the pleasures and punishments with practical perfomance.
At the risk of ostracizing you, I'd like to point out that after we have got rid of the false gods, we are free to notice that there is a true G-d, who does care about us, who is giving these pleasures and punishments free of charge in exactly the right proportions to help us grow. Spiritually. And merit eternal pleasures in our eternal life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)